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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203512">Not Now, but Someday.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalcello/pseuds/emotionalcello'>emotionalcello</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pining Aaron Hotchner [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Awww shit here we go again, Canon Compliant, Comedy, Crack, Drama, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Homophobia, Humor, In chapters but each wont have clifhangers, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Plot/Plotless, Not Beta Read, Not everything is canon, Romance, Romantic Comedy, The Author Regrets Everything, They're still flirting ffs, Time line is messy, bcs there is no effing plot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:14:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203512</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalcello/pseuds/emotionalcello</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>*in DJ Khaled voice* Another one! Longer! Even less plot! I don't even know how to explain this one.</p>
<p>Chris and Aaron are now boyfriends. The couple is meeting each other's family. It doesn't go perfectly, and Chris is doing dumbass ways to fix that. With a side story of Chris freaking out because Aaron is giving him weeks of radio silence.</p>
<p>Sequel to That Body = Absolute Unit</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner/Original Character(s), Aaron Hotchner/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pining Aaron Hotchner [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The only reason this got published is because I'm straight=up not having a good time and this couple and this fanfic is my coping mechanism.</p>
<p>Enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anyone seeing him now would’ve thought he snoops into the evidence room and snorts all the cocaine they just raided. No, nothing like that, it’s something better. Chris is coming over to Virginia for a Christmas party at Rossi’s! That’s not all... He’ll be going as Hotch’s official boyfriend!</p>
<p>He’s both nervous and excited. He’s excited because he’s coming over to his favorite author’s home and have a legit Christmas party. Not some half-assed office party that’s there to keep the spirit up and 95% work anyway. Yet he’s nervous because Aaron’s coworkers are equivalent to his family, which means that Chris is coming over to ‘meet the family.’ That’s like the next step of a relationship, right?</p>
<p>It totally is! This means Chris can either be that ‘weird boyfriend’ that the family doesn’t bother to get to know about because they’re so sure they’re going to break up soon. OR, Chris can be so boyfriend/family material that’s so sweet so fun so snatched that is practically treated like family. Chris will be the latter as if his life depends on it. Aaron’s people are the coolest people on earth because they’re sweet, hot, hard-working, literal FBI agents, and most of all, they’re Aaron’s family.</p>
<p>Chris got himself ready for the party. He did yoga 4 times a week than the usual twice a week. He games up his skincare routine and he’s burning through his sheet masks. He trimmed his hair. Manicured his nails. His skin is glowing. The body is healthy. This year’s leave secured for the taking.</p>
<p>He’s never been this prepared in his entire life. Can’t wait to get to know the people closest to his darling beautiful lovely bf. It’s going to be so much fun.</p>
<p>“Hee hee hee hee hee.”</p>
<p>“Sweet Jesus, Chris, why are you the drug dealer from down the street this whole day?” Even Peralta’s jokes can’t get to him today.</p>
<p>“Chris is spending Christmas with his new man.” Haily answer for him because Chris is hyper-focused on his papers.</p>
<p>Chris is vibrating with excitement that he can’t even do his reports smoothly, but he’ll be damned if everything is not perfect by his holiday leave. Of course, they’re not having a Christmas party at the actual Christmas time. Work and all, especially’s Hotch’s work.</p>
<p>And he’s aware that there’s a good possibility that they may cancel it due to a case.</p>
<p>So, he needs to chill. The more he looks forward to it, the more he’ll be disappointed if it gets canceled. Be cool. Be chill. Whatever will be, will be. Namaste. All that shit.</p>
<p>“Look at what you’ve done!” Haily reprimands, slapping Jake at the back of his head.</p>
<p>“Ow, what did I do?!”</p>
<p>“You deflated him!”</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t get too excited, they can cancel the party if there’s a case,” Chris finally put his head out of his dreamy bubble, seeing Jake and Haily about to square up.</p>
<p>“We have a party here Chris! What’s better than having Christmas with your office family?” Jake paused as Haily raised her eyebrows at him. “Except maybe a private party in a crime author’s fancy house filled with FBI agents. Dammit, no I’m not jealous!” Jake points at him, in both denial and assertiveness, talking to himself. Yup, that is the face of the precinct best detective.</p>
<p>“I <em>am</em> attending the office party. I wouldn’t miss the dumpster fire for the world.”</p>
<p>“Our Christmas party is not always a dumpster fire!” Chris and Haily give him a look and Jake quickly folds. “Okay maybe it is, but it’s our signature!”</p>
<p>.-.-.-.-.</p>
<p>The day of the precinct's Christmas dumpster fire finally arrived. Like every year, his floor has a secret Santa event, though not everyone joined. When they’re close to clocking out, they reveal each other’s secret Santa.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ginnie Gina.” Chris struts over to Gina’s desk right outside of the Captain’s office. As usual, the Captain’s assistant has her feet up the desk and phone in hand. “I’m your secret Santa.”</p>
<p>“AH, maybe there <em>is</em> God. I thought my Santa was Scully and I was not gonna let it see the light of day.” She then – in the most casual way –  reach out to a saw blade blending into the clutter on her desk and put it under her drawer.</p>
<p>“Gimme!”</p>
<p>Chris gave his present with ease knowing it won’t fall victim to the saw blade. Gina’s Christmas colored acrylic nails dig and tears the red wrapping and voila! Creme de La Mer. Yes, <em>that</em> La Mer bitch, because Chris ain’t playin’ with presents.</p>
<p>“I swear to God Chris you’re the only salvation of this earth. I would kiss you if I’m not wearing my Christian Louboutin lip gloss right now.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.” Gina gave him an air kiss and Chris catches it. “Pray for my gift!”</p>
<p>“I will, love!”</p>
<p>That kiss must’ve been a curse because Chris got Scully as secret Santa. And his gift is a frozen pizza box with a slice missing and wrapped with worn an XXXXL hoodie with vaguely red and brown stains. Gracefully, Chris gives the pizza back to him and Scully lights up at the offer of his own food back at him.</p>
<p>Then nightshift rolls in, turns out they have a secret Santa event of their own. Chris then looks away when he noticed disappointments are brewing to a fight.</p>
<p>He goes back to his desk, finishing up before his nightshift desk buddy came. In the middle of finishing up his report, a phone call stops him from finishing up. Aaron!</p>
<p>The office starts to get noisy with shenanigans, greetings, and a new perp yelling out to let him go. He slips out to the roof, and the noise quiets down as if they’re far away.</p>
<p>“Hey, sugar,” Chris says as he walks to the furthest side of the roof.</p>
<p>“Hi, how’s secret Santa?” Aaron doesn’t sound so hot, maybe he’s just worn out a bit.</p>
<p>“I got the short end of the stick, but the shock and awe factor overcame my disappointment because it <em>is</em> kinda funny.”</p>
<p>“What did you get?”</p>
<p>“A frozen pizza box with a slice missing and his worn clothes that smells like pizza sauce and sweat. I think he just wrapped his dinner with the clothes he was wearing.”</p>
<p>Aaron chuckles, and Chris bites off his smile. They’ve only been dating for a few months but that chuckle still packs some damage on him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry it didn’t go well.”</p>
<p>“It’s going better than last year at least. No one is getting into a fistfight with their secret Santa.”</p>
<p>“That’s good, and Merry Christmas.”</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas! Where are you right now?”</p>
<p>“Case at Florida.”</p>
<p>“Aw, that sucks. You won't see the present I gave you to your office then.”</p>
<p>“I’ll open it as soon as I arrive. Are you still at the precinct?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, about to tidy up. I’m clocking out in an hour.”</p>
<p>“Good, my gift should be at your office by now.”</p>
<p>“Wait really??” Chris looks back to look at the desk from the windows. Probably still on the front desk. “D’waw! Thank you, I’m gonna ask the front desk if it’s here.” Chris goes back inside. “Are you at a hotel? Taking a break?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m still at the police station.”</p>
<p>Huh, that’s weird. Aaron never calls when he’s still on the job. Maybe after the team retires at their hotel, but never when they’re still at the police station. Chris stops by the door and gulped.</p>
<p>“Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“I hope so, we’ve done all that we can.” Oh, Chris knows that tone of voice. Chris knows that hopeless feeling when all he can do is wait.</p>
<p>“I bet you do and more. I wish you guys are not too hard on yourselves.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that can be helped,” Aaron resigned, and Chris also feels there’s nothing he can do, but lend an ear.</p>
<p>Actually, Chris can do one thing, “When you come home, we’ll meet up, promise.”</p>
<p>“I’ll need that. Your secret Santa fail helps too.”</p>
<p>“Then I’m glad I’m getting frozen pizzas for Christmas.”</p>
<p>“I hope my present can make you feel better.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah! That.”</p>
<p>Chris has been standing like a dumbass in front of the rooftop door when he heard Aaron’s voice mellowed. Now that he’s in front of his desk, he sees his present. A big box that takes over the free space on his desk, sitting there as it looms a bit over him.</p>
<p>“Oooh, ominously big, I wonder what’s insiiide,” Chris sings as he presses his phone between his cheek and shoulder so his hands have their full tearing capacity. He puts the box down first before tearing, revealing a pink plain box.</p>
<p>Inside the big pink box is – he can’t believe it – a plushie version of the clay cat he had that reminded him of Rosco. Chris’s jaw hits the floor as he pulls it up and stares at it. Like the clay, it’s egg-shaped, has a condescending expression, but the markings are more accurate than the clay cat. The only thing not accurate is the size. It’s big and tall, and thicc with 10 c’s.</p>
<p>Chris inhaled deeply, ready to scream before he whined instead, remembering he’s still in the office.</p>
<p>“Aaaaaaaa,” He whispered the scream – somehow – hugging the cat that’s at least a meter in diameter. It’s a very thick plushie and he LOVES it as if the bitch herself (still talking about the cat) erected from the dead. “HOW! What???? I... This is... Frick! Aaron, I could kiss you right now!”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you like my gifts,” Chris can hear the smile through Aaron’s voice.</p>
<p>“Gifts? As in multiple???”</p>
<p>“You must’ve missed the board game.”</p>
<p>There’s Betrayal at The House on The Hill board games resting at the bottom of the box. It’s the board game he’s been wanting ever since he saw it on Smosh Board AF! Everyone has been wanting to play it.</p>
<p>“Oh, man this is great! I think I mentioned this ages ago.” Chris hugs it to his chest and makes the most disgusting lovey-dovey face. “You remembered!”</p>
<p>“I ordered it the second you mentioned it. I wanted to give it to you on your birthday but I figured it’ll be appropriate for Christmas so you can play it with everyone.”</p>
<p>“Yeah totally! Hey guys! Look at what Aaron gave me!” Chris flaunts his board games in the air and catches a few attention.</p>
<p>“That’s one big cat,” Haily said her long blond hair sway as she leans to the side and looks, totally missing the point, but still valid because Chris can’t even circle this plushy with two arms.</p>
<p>“Well, yeah, but look at the board game!”</p>
<p>“Whoa cool! Betrayal at The House on The Hill?” Jake came over with Rosa. “Amy! I found a board game I can beat you at!”</p>
<p>“Not a chance Jake, stop being salty over Bang.” Rosa claps back stoically.</p>
<p>“Ooh, did Hotch gave you that?” Santiago walks over.</p>
<p>“Yeah! We can play it in today’s after-party at my place!”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Hotch!” Jake says that soon followed with a few thanks from Haily, Rosa, and Amy. On the other end, he hears Aaron chuckles.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>“He says you’re welcome. Yall tidy up cmon! Let’s ditch this dump. Get the captain.”</p>
<p>They all scatter over to their desks as Chris put the doll back to the box.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the doll, also the board game. I love them all!” Chris puts the plushy back to the box. “Don’t forget to open mine as soon as you get back!”</p>
<p>“I won’t miss it for the world.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the team comes back, the sighs and long faces disappear at the sight holographic ribbons, red and gold wrappings on a box as tall as a small child inside Hotch’s office, sitting on his desk.</p>
<p>“What is that,” Blake says.</p>
<p>“I assume that’s a gift from my boyfriend,” Hotch finds his smile again. The blinding holo ribbons are so sore to the eyes than he thinks of nothing else than what’s inside.</p>
<p>“Today doesn’t turn out as we had hoped, but we’ve done the best we can. Get home and rest. If any of you need a leave tomorrow, tell me first thing in the morning. Merry Christmas.”</p>
<p>The team gave him a collective Merry Christmas before dropping or grabbing something from their desk and tidy up.</p>
<p>Hotch needs to get a few papers ready, while he’s here, but all he wanted to do is open his present. The last time he felt like this was when he was a kid waiting for his birthday to come. No one else is here since it’s way past office hour, so he takes this time to open his present.</p>
<p>As soon as he drops his go bag, he cuts up the ribbon and tries to keep the wrappings intact so he can keep it.</p>
<p>To his absolute surprise, the box is roughly as big as what he gave Chris. When he opens it, from what he can see, there are a few items in there. To his relieve the box is only half-filled. The one he noticed is a thick blanket that takes up half of the box. A folded deep blue pajamas. A journal for the next year with black leather cover. A book called Black Beauty, a classic that Aaron never read before.</p>
<p>He touches the blanket first, and it was the softest fabric he ever touched. Taking out the present one by one, he found a slip of envelope between the blanket and the pajamas.</p>
<p>Inside is a Christmas card from Chris.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Merry Christmas Aaron!!</p>
<p>I know what you’re thinking, “What is inside that big thick box.” Sorry to disappoint it’s only half-filled. I was confident that I can and WILL fill it but in the end, I just ran out of ideas. I know it’s still a lot, and to tell you the truth I am overcompensating... but best believe that every item is chosen with love. Except for the journal, it’s MADE with love.</p>
<p>I had a lot of ideas but then a lot doesn’t make it because... I’ll list the scratched-out things so you can judge. A bbq grill. A shovel. Phone casing with those jiggly animal characters on it. Moonshine. Wine. Scotch. Many other exotic alcohols. Weed at some point. Sunscreen. Moisturizer. Eye cream. Eye serum. Eye mask. (I love the look on you but it looks so heavy I just want to lighten the burden and it’ll feel so good and soothing, call me if you change your mind, I’ll make your skin feels so good! Like a spa day! Ooh, let’s have a spa day. Anyway.) A custom calender of puppies. A real live puppy. A plushie puppy. Snacks box subscription from Japan. Snacks box subscription from South Korea. Cloud slime. Stress balls. Me in a box (I wanted to put myself in a box and be your Santa then soon realized how dumb it is.) Me but in BAU ft flowers and a Santa outfit. Me but in bed wearing a Santa outfit. Me in bed but in a Mrs. Klaus outfit.</p>
<p>The last ones are very lazy (and weird) because I ran out of ideas. So, aren’t we glad that none of those are your presents!</p>
<p>So you understand why I choose what I choose. The blanket is so soft! And so is the pajamas. They have a variety of pajamas where it has all the color of the rainbow, but I don’t have the heart to put you through that. I hope deep blue isn’t too much of a daring color for you, (jk, you can pull off any color you sexy beast.) I want to dump this and start over after I wrote that but this is my fifth card and the last out of the bulk I bought so... You just have to deal with being a sexy beast. I know... the horror!</p>
<p>The book is so wholesome! It’s different from your usual non-fiction. But like, I just put it in there if you need something to read.</p>
<p>Oh, and I hope you like the planner journal. The inside is nothing like the outside ;) I think it’s so you!</p>
<p>Text me if you get my present! Merry Christmas!</p>
<p>P.S. I know this is a lot and you’re the type that said you don’t want anything and means it. I won’t give you this much next year, but I’m gonna level up my gift-giving game... you’ll see.</p>
<p>P.P.S. I’m joking about this being my 5<sup>th</sup> card. It’s my 11<sup>th</sup>. I keep adding stuff that’s not in my draft and ended up cringing at it. It’s funny though. I would read to you if you’re interested.'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aaron finds himself smiling the entire time he reads the letter even though it ended on an ominous note. He laughed at all the gift ideas. He didn’t know what cloud slime is.</p>
<p>He opens the journal with black leather cover, and the inside is a stark difference from the cover. It’s still meticulous, functional, and tightly tidy with its format. But the icons are flowers and cute animals. The papers are colored warm light brown and other earthy tones. The decorations throughout the planner are minimalistic drawings of decorative plants, flowers, and cute animals.</p>
<p>Though it was random items, all of them are thoughtful gifts. Thankfully Aaron hasn’t bought a book planner for next year. Aaron is also intrigued by the book because Chris doesn’t read a lot of books. More of a watcher than a reader he said. So when Chris recommends a book, it does perk his curiosity at what Chris count as interesting.</p>
<p>Sadly, the blanket would receive less love than all. Simply because Aaron rarely sleeps at his own bed because of cases. He can’t believe he’s genuinely feeling sad for not being able to sleep on his bed a lot because he won't feel the blanket as often. To be fair, it really <em>is</em> soft. The pajamas, however, are perfect. He can put that in the go-bag.</p>
<p>Just like Chris said, Aaron doesn’t have anything in mind when someone asked what he wants for birthdays or Christmases. He’s not materialistic in nature. He never bought anything that’s not necessary basic needs. Gifts, however, are different. Even if Chris just gave him a card, He would’ve kept it forever, just how he’ll keep this card in his keepsake box. And even if Chris gave him rainbow pajamas, he’ll still keep it and wear it.</p>
<p>The knock from his door is followed with an “Excuse me, sir,” and he goes back to Hotch.</p>
<p>Hotch looks back to see Garcia who’s surprisingly still in the building. She usually went home as soon as the case is done.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” She says, and he gets why she’s here now.</p>
<p>“Yes. Are you?” Aaron asked back, because last time he saw her from the screen, she was crying.</p>
<p>“Oh, sir, I’m not, it sucks but you know... No, I don’t know. I hate not being able to do anything.”</p>
<p>“I know Garcia, you did a great job. We’ll all bounce back from this.” Like they always do.</p>
<p>“I know... We’re having a Christmas get together slash chill hang out at my place, trying to wind down. Do you want to join us?”</p>
<p>“That sounds great, but I’ll have to pass, I have to catch up some sleep.”</p>
<p>“Of course sir.” She looks around and gasps, finally smiling. “Are these from Chris?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Aw! That’s sweet. Merry Christmas sir!”</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas, Garcia.”</p>
<p>Aaron starts putting it away in a big paper bag included inside, the box is also foldable. For someone not knowing what to gift him, Chris thinks through how he’s going to bring the stuff back to his car. For Aaron, this exact gesture tells you everything you need to know about Chris as a person.</p>
<p>As everything is inside the bag, Aaron was about to text Chris that he received the gift. He had expected the string of text, but not a couple of videos and lastly a picture.</p>
<p>The videos were from yesterday when Chris received his gift. It’s a video of him dancing on the dancefloor with the doll. Haily was the one recording it while laughing in the background. It still baffles him how he met another Haily. Though in different spelling, it’s way too similar to his late ex-wife. He never wants to come to this conclusion, but in a way, it’s like some kind of fate.</p>
<p>Everyone else is dancing with human partners and Chris is there dancing with a round cat plushie that’s just too big for si arms. Laughing freely and happily, waving to the camera and blowing a kiss.</p>
<p>To be completely honest, the plushie wasn’t intended to be that big. He had ordered a size roughly identical to the clay cat he owned of Rosco because Aaron sees the paints faded away in a few places where Chris touched often. The company misinterpreted the size and it came out ten times bigger than it should’ve been.</p>
<p>The last picture is Chris in his sleepwear, which are a boxer and worn t-shirts. It’s a selfie of him in his bed hugging the doll. An arm draped around the cat and his knee resting on the cat’s belly.</p>
<p>Seems like Chris likes the size from the text that follows.</p>
<p>From Chris: Can’t even wrap my hands around my big thicc boi.</p>
<p>From Chris: That sounds suggestive lol but I swear I meant nothing but wholesome things.</p>
<p>From Chris: Unless?”</p>
<p>From Chris: Lol jk, I’m not getting it down with a plushie of my late dead cat.</p>
<p>Then a string of kisses emojis.</p>
<p>Aaron zones out for a couple of seconds seeing Chris in bed with a plushie. Aaron can see everything from his head to hip and his arms stretching out far to include the plushie. His hair tossed carelessly to the back. His shirt risen to show a bit of skin of the waist. Face buried partly on the cat’s cheek. Eyes sparkle as he looks at the camera and a smile so big it showed all his pearly teeth.</p>
<p>There’s no doubt that Chris is a grown man with masculine features. His face is incredibly youthful and masculine despite some soft features of his face. Round almond eyes. Bold angled eyebrows. Pale pink lips that always stretch out in a smile.</p>
<p>In that bed, with that pose, the picture stopped Aaron from breathing. Heat pricked under his skin. His hands clenched and unclenched. Lastly, he gulped.</p>
<p>How long has it been since he came over to his place?</p>
<p>To Chris: I got your presents. I love them all, but my favorite is the book planner, thank you.</p>
<p>Aaron doesn’t even need to wait for more than five seconds, Chris is already typing.</p>
<p>From Chris: I’m so glad! I thought the planner would be too fluffy for you</p>
<p>To Chris: It’s refreshing, and the decoration doesn’t disturb the functionality of a planner. The colors are easy on the eyes. I’ll bring this everywhere I go.</p>
<p>Chris is typing... while he does, the picture of Chris is still on his screen and he can’t tear his eyes away from it. He sends a follow-up text before Chris can send his.</p>
<p>To Chris: Can I come over?</p>
<p>From Chris: !!!!!</p>
<p>From Chris: CAN YA???? WILL YA???</p>
<p>To Chris: Yes. We promise to meet up when I came back.</p>
<p>From Chris: Ajanschbvha come on over bby ;)</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*in adore delano's voice* Party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: May contain cringe.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hotch’s team did cancel the Christmas party, but it turns out for the better because they’re getting together for new years instead.</p>
<p>Chris has been nervous about this event for days. His brain cells literally can’t stop murdering each other for thinking about it, what he should wear, what he should bring, and what jokes he can crack. For the outfit, he settles on something casual but flattering enough to rock. It’s also cold right now in Virginia so he needs to bundle up.</p>
<p>Deep marron turtle neck with a loose fit but not baggy and loose collar. Dark brown oxford trousers that fall to a pencil fit. Not too tight that it’s vulgar, but enough to do his hard-earned toned legs justice. Classic Tan oxford shoes with deep blue socks and checkered red linings. Topping all those dark colors, he’ll wear a cream-colored overcoat and a thin red scarf draped over to overlap the coat, not looped around.</p>
<p>Since he’s not going to the club, he won't wear a full beat. First, he’ll sprit a dewy face mist, a light cream to lock that moisture in, then he topped it with his tinted moisturizer. He’d be found dead before anyone finds him with dry flakes on his skin in winter.</p>
<p>Speaking of moisturizer.</p>
<p>“Babe! You want to wear my moisturizer?”</p>
<p>Aaron is in front of the cupboard’s mirror, checking himself out with the outfit Chris chose from Aaron’s cupboard.</p>
<p>It’s a bit daring than Aaron’s usual palette. White basic shirt topped with a light blue vest. The grey suit jacket and plaid light grey trousers with even lighter grey linings. For shoes, black oxfords because Aaron doesn’t have any other color. Topping it all, a tan overcoat with faux shearling on the wrap collar and a thick deep blue scarf loops around the neck.</p>
<p>All of those times are Aaron’s, deep inside the untouched part of the cabinet at the edge of Narnia.</p>
<p>“Does it smell like the other one?”</p>
<p>“No, I didn’t bring that one. This one smells nice.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Chris comes over with his Innisfree green tea moisturizer and dots it all over Aaron’s face. As Chris rubs the moisturizer all over his face, Aaron closed his eyes and for some reason it made Chris smile. Aaron doesn’t even have any –not even one(1) – skincare items, but he’ll always go along if Chris wants to put all types of products on his face.</p>
<p>They did have a spa day the day before. Chris brought a big bag of facial and body treatments he owned and they have a wonderful aromatic treatment yesterday. Proudly to say, now Aaron is glowing for the gods and his face is silky smooth, moisturized, and depuffed. Aaron even slept when Chris massage his face with his rose quartz facial roller over a sheet mask.</p>
<p>“How does your skin feels?” Chris asked.</p>
<p>“Nice, and refreshing. I think it’s because of yesterday’s routine and the sleeping mask. Even the bath salts helped. My skin never feels this smooth.”</p>
<p>“Then my pampering paid off.”</p>
<p>“It does. I think I’ll get the sleeping mask. They’re very relaxing.”</p>
<p>Victory! That’s the first step in getting Aaron to take care of his skin. Chris pats the moisturizer to make it completely absorbed into his skin and his hands parked to frame Aaron’s face.</p>
<p>“It’s all done.” Chris spins them around to look at the mirror together. “What about this outfit? How do you feel in it?”</p>
<p>Aaron looks at himself from top to bottom, rubbing his vest with the left hand while the right hand is occupied with Chris’.</p>
<p>“I think it’s a bit too much, I don’t think I can pull it off.” As Aaron said that, Chris is staring at his face, closely.</p>
<p>“Which part is too much?”</p>
<p>“The top.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm, okay, take off the top.” As Aaron does so, Chris takes a dark grey pullover sweater with a shawl collar and hand it over to Aaron, not before staring at the naked skin though. They’re not late, why not indulge a bit?</p>
<p>“Wasn’t satisfied with yesterday?” Aaron still has his hand stretched, waiting for the sweater and Chris is stubbornly holding onto it.</p>
<p>“Yesterday got its fill, I haven’t got my fill today.” Chris tucked the sweater on his chest when Aaron approached.</p>
<p>A hand slithers to his waist and Aaron pulls. Chris lets go of the sweater because the naked chest pressed against him is more tempting.</p>
<p>“We are going to be late. After.”  Aaron whispered with a seductive smirk before landing it on top of his lips.</p>
<p>Chris hums satisfied as he links his hands on the nape of Aaron’s neck. “We’re not late,” Chris says between kisses and to breathe. Aaron smells so nice, the perfume is so him. Woody, and musky, then a hint of sweet from the moisturizer.</p>
<p>“We will be if we continue.” Aaron gives one last kiss before leaning back and Chris begrudgingly gives back the sweater.</p>
<p>Rossi’s place is 30 minutes away and they have an hour to spare. An hour and thirty minutes away from meeting Hotch’s family. His hands are starting to sweat.</p>
<p>“How do I look? Is this too extra?” Chris says as Aaron finally put on the clothes Chris hands him.</p>
<p>“No, it’s casual enough.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant,” Chris playfully whined. “Do I look good like nice good? Do I look friendly? Does the red make me look like the spawn of satan? Does the turtleneck make me look like the insufferable type of vegans? What vibes are you getting from me?”</p>
<p>“You look handsome as always, as for the vibe... I’m lost at that.” Yeah... Chris knows, the only vibe Aaron masters is being charmingly stiff, he’s rocking the impossible.</p>
<p>“I need to make a good impression! This is like meeting the family. What if they don’t like me!”</p>
<p>Aaron’s eyebrow raised, “Is that why you’ve been nervous?”</p>
<p>“Yeah duh!” Then his boyfriend chuckle in his demise, “I’m serious!”</p>
<p>“I know, it’s just cute of you.”</p>
<p>“What ungodly part of me having a nervous break down is cute?” And of course, Chris is just over-playing him being nervous, but still, what’s cute about hands being sweaty, knees weak, mom’s spaghetti.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry, they already like you.”</p>
<p>“As a colleague when yall help my precinct maybe, but I haven’t met them as your <em>boyfriend</em>. Those are two different things! I know I’m competent and hot and everything else, but what if I’m not boyfriend material!” Chris gasps as if he just revealed one of the national treasures. “What if I’m not Hotch’s-boyfriend material...”</p>
<p>“You are very my boyfriend material,” Aaron ensured.</p>
<p>“That’s sweet, but I’m gonna walk into a half dozen of profilers. They’re gonna profile that I do pole dancing class and many other weird hobbies I did, what are they gonna think of me after that?”</p>
<p>Aaron links his arm around his shoulder and pats it, “I promise it’s going to be fine, just be yourself. I even think you’re going to earn a best friend.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for the ted talk...” Chris says, still not convinced. “Wear your overcoat, let’s see the full look.”</p>
<p>Aaron wears the same overcoat and thick blue scarf and they look at the mirror.</p>
<p>“I like this.”</p>
<p>“Yay!”</p>
<p>“But it’s not that different from what I would’ve worn. I thought you wanted to ‘challenge my fashion’.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but,” Chris loops his arms on Aaron’s waist and rests his cheeks on his shoulder. “Fashion isn’t fun when the wearer doesn’t feel good in it. You can pull any type of fashion with sheer confident alone, how do you think 2000’s Ashley Tisdale pull off any of her red carpet outfits? At that time, mind you.”</p>
<p>“Ashley Tisdale?”</p>
<p>“We’ll look her up later, you’re in for a ride.”</p>
<p>They sway side to side, hugging in front of the mirror. Chris was nervous, still nervous, but he tries to believe Aaron that they maybe already think he’s kinda cool. One of the perks he likes about Aaron is that he tells it how it is. If Chris pushes too far, he’ll tell him, just like how he says no when Chris wants to take Aaron to a Zumba class. Turns out, Aaron ain’t got no rhythm.</p>
<p>They look so different, yet Chris had never felt this comfortable in anyone’s arms before. Maybe it’s because Aaron smells nice. It’s cold outside and Aaron is naturally warm. The clothes he wore is extra cushiony and soft. Aaron plops his face on top of his head and breathes in.</p>
<p>“Looks like you’re thinking about something,” Aaron noted, “Are you still nervous?”</p>
<p>“A little bit. What if Henry doesn’t like me?”</p>
<p>Aaron twitched an eyebrow at Henry’s name, “JJ’s son?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, what if he doesn’t like what I bought him.”</p>
<p>“You bought him something?” Aaron’s voice sounds more incredulous.</p>
<p>“Of course I do, I’m not heartless and thoughtless. It was supposed to be for Christmas. I’m the only person that hasn’t got him anything.”</p>
<p>“Chris... you shouldn’t have,” Aaron says with a held back smile, hugging him tighter.</p>
<p>“I should! Henry is like your nephew and I’m your boyfriend, what kind of boyfriend am I for not giving your equally-but-not-technically nephew a Christmas gift?” Chris sounds genuinely upset.</p>
<p>“It’s sweet that you’re thinking of him.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking about meeting your team for weeks... weeks, Aaron.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know, honey.”</p>
<p>Chris blushes, it’s the first time Aaron unironically calls him a nickname. The reason why his heart pounding has changed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Ding!</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh! That’s my apple pie!” Chris cheered. As he runs out leaving the door open, Aaron smells a warm scent of sweet apple and cinnamon.</p>
<p>“When did you bake an apple pie in my kitchen?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All of his nervousness evaporates in an instant as soon as he sees Rossi opening his Italian themed house. There’s a lot of light-colored palette and elements of Italy. No, Chris has never been to Italy, but he had seen some travel videos to Italy and the mood is very that. Like, a lot of windows and plants, very zen.</p>
<p>The words that he prepared and the calmness he wanted to act on disappeared as soon as Rossi greets him with that uncle/fatherly smile and wraps his arms around his shoulder with a bright, “Happy new year!”</p>
<p>Then all that’s left of Chris is a wide creepy smile and a loud, “Hi! Happy new year! Your place is so nice!” in a voice higher than a mouse.</p>
<p>“It better be, I paid good money for it. That smells nice.” Rossi looks pointedly at the pie on Chris's hands.</p>
<p>“Oh! It’s an apple pie. I hope it’s not clashing with any dishes. I don’t know if anyone has any allergy, so the recipe is vegan, gluten-free, and nut-free.”</p>
<p>“I don’t how you pull that off. Come in! Coat hanger on your right. Derek, Spence, and Alex are on the back garden.”</p>
<p>As they step in, Chris would’ve wrung his neck dead from twirling that hard. This is not the first fancy house he’s been in. He’s excited because he’s fanboying over it. Once again, the house is very clean and the overall tone is very light and low saturated, decorated with earth-toned furniture and flowers but like real living breathing flowers. Who even can afford real-life flowers regularly? Rich people with maids a.k.a. Rossi.</p>
<p>Rossi leads them to a spacious open kitchen.</p>
<p>“We’re having barbeque kids, bring the pie to the back,” Rossi said as he’s bending over to reach something, “Hotch can you get this?”</p>
<p>“Sure, Chris?”</p>
<p>“I’ll go on ahead!” Chris grabs his apple pie by the counter.</p>
<p>There’s a sliding window between the kitchen area and the back garden. It’s partially closed and he had to shimmy awkwardly but it does the job. An oval table sets on the wide concrete pavement surrounding the pool. <em>Oh my god, a pool</em>. Surrounding the pavement is beautifully trimmed grass, trimmed shrubs planted on the edge of the walls. On the further back is a little greenhouse that has a flower garden inside. <em>Oh my god, a flower garden</em>.</p>
<p>“Hey, Chris!” Greets Derek. Seems like they’re already starting the barbeque.</p>
<p>He already met Derek and Spencer, the other person he has not met before.</p>
<p>“Hi! Happy new year! I made an apple pie. I don’t know if anyone is allergic, so it’s nut-free, gluten-free, and vegan.” He repeats himself.</p>
<p>“Ooh! Nice, I want some sweets.” Reid grabs it from his hands and quickly grabs a nearby knife before Derek slaps the hand away.</p>
<p>“Hey, wait for everyone!” Derek says the same time the other person –Chris assumes is Alex – says “Give me a slice.”</p>
<p>“They can eat it now, it’s cool,” Chris brush it over and he quickly turns to Alex. “Hi! We haven’t met before, right?”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe we have,” his voice sounds calm and zen, “Alex Blake.” She extends her hand.</p>
<p>“Chris Hamlyn,” he shakes her hand. “What do we have?”</p>
<p>“Ribs, sausages, and skewers.”</p>
<p>“Nice!”</p>
<p>As they wait for JJ, Chris is making skewers while watching Spencer dug into his apple pie while telling him how apple pies were originated. Then  Spencer goes on and on and on and Chris can’t help but ask more and more questions. Asking someone that knows everything is way better than looking it up for himself!</p>
<p>“What about Midsommar? They’re like a cult surrounding a Swedish folklore right? How accurate is it?”</p>
<p>And Chris lays back as he hears Spencer talks and talks about everything Chris needs to know. Don’t get him wrong, Chris loves the aesthetic but he doesn’t understand anything about the movie and now he’s learning so much!</p>
<p>Then Chris would ask about all petty things that he’s too lazy to look up for himself, from As Above So Below to Annihilation.</p>
<p>He also noticed how Derek –while he’s barbequing– look at them, somehow mind-boggled by the topic of their conversation and how it’s still going on.</p>
<p>“Chris, are you really understanding what Spencer is saying?” Alex returns with a couple of barbeque skewers</p>
<p>“Well, yeah, since I was the one who asked. Why look it up myself when Spencer can tell me about it all. Thank you by the way.”</p>
<p>“Anytime at all,” Spencer, after talking in a speed of light, doesn’t seem to run out of breath. Chris is so jealous. Spencer is basically Eminem but he ain't got no rhythm.</p>
<p>“So,” Alex says, leaning towards Chris in that curious tone. “Where did you and Aaron meet?”</p>
<p>Chris thinks back, and boy was it embarrassing but he’s down to tell everyone about it because it’s somewhat funny. “Do you want a factual version or <em>my</em> version?”</p>
<p>“Yours!” Derek says, mid feeding Spencer a piece of paprika straight from the grill, blind to his boyfriend’s hot demise.</p>
<p>“You were there to witness it!” Chris argued.</p>
<p>“From afar. We can’t hear what you guys were saying.”</p>
<p>“I agree, your version,” Alex adds.</p>
<p>“Oh, yall better be ready, because even though I’ve come to terms with it, you guys will still feel the second-hand embarrassment.”</p>
<p>And so Chris tells them everything. The thirst he feels when the team first came. How He noticed his desire for their chief unit, down to the detail of his pretty eyes and bottom lashes. The nicknames, Chris doesn’t spare any details on the nicknames. All the dumbass things running in his mind when he’s working up the courage to talk to Aaron, and all the dumbass things WHILE he’s talking to Aaron.</p>
<p>“And then we kiss. Chapter 1, fin.” Chris twirl his hands and bow. Spencer is blushing while Derek is dying of laughter, almost burning himself. Blake also laughed with both palms on her face, desperately trying to hold back the snorts and fail.</p>
<p>“Wait, there’s a chapter 2?” Spencer asked after clearing his throat.</p>
<p>“Ah, yes... Chapter 2, the second date.”</p>
<p>“Did you create a chapter for every date? ... How?” Ah... to reduce the genius of the team ask him a simple one-word question. Chris doesn’t know whether to give himself a trophy or count this as one of his lows.</p>
<p>“No no, because chapter 3 is his birthday. I... if yall wanna know that I have to be at least tipsy.”</p>
<p>In the middle of telling them chapter 2, Aaron comes at the time when Alex wheezing and the rest of them laughing.</p>
<p>“You guys seem to be having fun,” Aaron walks to the table, putting two bottles of wine from his left hand and put a cooler to the floor.</p>
<p>“Yeah, laughing at me! I was telling them how we met,” Chris leans on Aaron’s hip.</p>
<p>“The factual version or your version.”</p>
<p>“Mine.”</p>
<p>“Ah, that’s why their faces are red.”</p>
<p>“H-How did y-you even know that,” Alex laughed, covering her mouth and clutching her chest.</p>
<p>They’re disrupted by a sound of giggling coming into the garden. The rest of the entourage arrived. Along with Rossi, Jennifer, William her husband, and their son Henry. Following them is another woman he had never met before. Her red hair is up into bouncy curls. Her dress hugging her hourglass-shaped body. The dress... oh the dress is marvelous. The embodiment of new years itself. Blue with gold green and pink sequins and her make up is so on point!</p>
<p>Henry is holding hands with that woman as Jennifer has her attention on Chris first.</p>
<p>“Hi, Chris! So good to meet you again!” She extends her arms.</p>
<p>“Me too!” And Chris hugs her, then turns to the man with doe down-turned eyes that somehow has the same melancholy-but-sexy vibe as Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. “And you must be Willam.”</p>
<p>They shake hands, “And you Chris Hamlyn.”</p>
<p>“Good to meet ya.”</p>
<p>Then comes the time where he sees the only person with a fashion sense in the team.</p>
<p>“Oh my god... You’re Chris?? Detective Chris Hamlyn??” Her voice goes up in every word and as soon as Chris hears her voice, he knew exactly who she is.</p>
<p>“You’re the phone genie!!” Chris called her by the nickname he gave her then because they communicated by the precinct's cable phone.</p>
<p>“That I am! Penelope Garcia, at your service!” She extends her hand and when Chris shakes it, everything else blurs. Even Garcia who’s smile was from ear to hear now puckered in surprise at how close Chris is to her face.</p>
<p>Chris has been putting a personality that he called, ‘the host’. The most fun person at any party(if done right.) Keep the conversation going, make quirky jokes, and keep his attention equally balanced to every guest. One close look at Penelope’s face makes everything else unimportant.</p>
<p>“I... I can’t see your pores... how,” Chris demanded, still holding Garcia’s hand.</p>
<p>Garcia’s stone face turns into glee, “Have ya heard about Sunday Riley?”</p>
<p>“Who hasn’t? She’s been around Sephora. Which one?”</p>
<p>“Good genes.”</p>
<p>“Nuh-uh... No way! There’s no way I’m buying that... does it work?”</p>
<p>“Is the specimen before you are not proof enough?” Penelope smiles with her pretty hot pink lipstick and pose. “Why are you holding back from buying it? You know how good it is!”</p>
<p>“Uh.... because it has the audacity to cost above a hundred dollars!” Chris yelped like an offended maiden.</p>
<p>“It’s worth it, Chris! I swear.” She pats him on the shoulder. Man... even her nails are on point. “And you should look at the mirror yourself cuz your skin is glowing honey! And it’s so even! What are you using?”</p>
<p>“Drunk elephant’s moisturizer and a Bare Mineral’s tinted moisturizer,” Chris shyly says, he can’t believe he found a fellow skin-care fanatic!</p>
<p>“No way!” Penelope goes even closer to his face looking around his face.</p>
<p>Chris also noticed that some of the guests are eyeing them like they’re crazy, while Aaron just knowingly smile.</p>
<p>“Chris, I know this is a sensitive subject, but I’m dying to know and I’ve been dying to know since I first saw you. Please do not resent me, because I’m not taking a no for an answer, and I will, possibly, do anything to know if you’re not telling me.” As Garcia says that in a low ominous whisper and a sharp glare, Chris gulped. “How old are you? Because you look like Hotch’s sugar baby.”</p>
<p>Chris heard someone choking somewhere on the table and liquids being spilled. He wants to look at who it was but his gaze is held by the balls from Garcia’s stare.</p>
<p>“I...” In fear of the impending reaction, he buys some time by saying a less direct answer. “I’m... I’m 3 years younger than Aaron.”</p>
<p>“WHAT!” Garcia yelled before covering her mouth and he hears a few collective gasps behind him.</p>
<p>Chris glance behind him to see JJ and Derek with their jaws hanging. From the looks of it, it seems like Aaron was the one that spilled the drink back then.</p>
<p>“Chris... Please tell me you get something done to get that face,” Derek points at the said face.</p>
<p>“I have not got anything done with my face.”</p>
<p>“Yo! Drop your skincare routine!” Penelope slaps his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re not ready, for my skincare routine.”</p>
<p>“Hey! I’m a skincare connoisseur myself! I know my acids and my antioxidants. Try me!”</p>
<p>“No, Penelope,” Aaron smiles behind the can of beer in his hands, “I’ve seen his vanity. The DIY masks and crystals... You’re not ready.”</p>
<p>“I suppose I can share the most important part of it. Honestly? No matter what your skin type is, all you need is sunscreen, rosehip oil, and niacinamide.”</p>
<p>The comment soon followed with a collective of oohs and ahhs that’s followed by a babble of a kid trying to mimic the ooh’s. Henry is in his father’s arm, and giggles.</p>
<p>“Oh, I almost forgot! I got Henry a Christmas present. Is it in the car?” Chris asked Aaron.</p>
<p>“It’s by the coat hanger.”</p>
<p>“Chris, you shouldn’t have!” Jennifer says, but Chris left quickly before hearing her and returns with a paper bag.</p>
<p>“I bought it because I thought we’re meeting for Christmas. Sorry that it’s late.”</p>
<p>Jennifer gratefully smiles and calls her son, “Come here, sweetie!” Henry slides away from his dad’s lap and hurries to his mom.</p>
<p>This is it. The tried or true. He’s so nervous. Everyone has liked him so far... now has come the final boss.</p>
<p>“This is uncle Aaron’s boyfriend.” Chris’s heart grows fluff at the word ‘uncle Aaron’. He swore this team is so precious and sweet yet what they do is right on the opposite.</p>
<p>“Hi, Henry! I’m Chris.”</p>
<p>“Hi,” Henry waves, and again, his heart flutters by the cuteness.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for the late present but Merry Christmas!” Chris handed the box with red wrappings.</p>
<p>“Thank you!”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>Henry then hurries over to his dad and makes him open it.</p>
<p>“Oof, my heart! He’s so cute! He looks just like you.”</p>
<p>“Aw, thanks! What about you? Do you ever want kids?”</p>
<p>The warmth inside him goes down the drain and his hands feel ice cold. He doesn’t let the sinking of his heart be a spectacle, not in a party full of profilers where he’s basically naked.</p>
<p>“The option is definitely open,” Chris laughed it off, thankfully, so does Jennifer. “But I’m flexible about it!” Whatever that means.</p>
<p>“Okay, now that everyone is here, dig in!” Rossi called for the feast.</p>
<p>Chris looks around, only now noticing someone is missing. Who is it? It’s at the tip of the tongue and at the back of his mind. He wants to ask, but there’s a nagging feeling that he shouldn’t.</p>
<p>.-.-.-.</p>
<p>Then Chris continues to be ‘the host’, and it’s fun being one! After bbq, they play with fireworks. By they it means Henry, Chris, and Penelope, just them three frolicking like children as the adults are by the table, talking about adult stuff.</p>
<p>Rossi then whipped out a vintage record player because of course he has one. Then plays some 80’s music that gets them dancing. When Penelope breaks some sick dance moves, Chris takes that as a sign to flaunt his. When the two dance, there are whoo’s and claps from the table.</p>
<p>“Will any of the spectator challenge the champions?” Penelope taunts and finger hooking Derek to her. Complying, Derek stands up and starts shimmying by Madonna’s Hung up.</p>
<p>Alex also steps in with wine in hand, before saying, “Chris! Do you...?” She lifts her glass.</p>
<p>“Just beer thanks!”</p>
<p>She then struts with an open beer in hand and four fingers of wine in her glass. As they’re dancing/chatting, Chris knew a few about Alex. Lover has a heart of gold and work in Doctor Without Borders. She just joined the team just a few weeks in.</p>
<p>Talking to someone new is easy, a lot of conversation options, and Chris says it all. How do you like the team? What do you work as before joining the team? Are you also Rossi’s fan? No? Oh okay. Don’t you wish you can steal Rossi’s wine? Where did he get fancy stuff like this! Money, of course.</p>
<p>They’re giggling when Chris is in the middle of telling her this one time he vomited in front of his teacher in the police academy when Aaron steps in.</p>
<p>“May I?” Aaron slips his hand on Chris’s hips.</p>
<p>“All yours!” Alex steps back into Rossi’s welcoming hands and they –somehow – waltz away.</p>
<p>“Hey, you!” Chris leans in, hands perch on Aaron’s shoulder. “Are you having fun?”</p>
<p>“I am, the team rarely gets together like this.”</p>
<p>“And I’m here for it? Lucky me!” Chris smiles. He’s been smiling so much that his cheeks start to ache. He’s high on excitement and stimuli.</p>
<p>Chris can’t remember the last time he’s this happy. Meeting new people with good vibes, just having fun, chatting, eating, and feel so welcomed by being himself.</p>
<p>“See? Nothing to be nervous about, and Henry is still playing with the power rangers toy you just gave him,” Aaron says with that I told you so voice but it’s like he made I-told-you-so sexy. Unbelievable.</p>
<p>“Fine, you’re right. I know I should’ve trusted you with this stuff.” Chris poke Aaron on the cheek because he looks so cute up close. “Did you hear that JJ calls you Henry’s uncle? I was dying inside! So cute! I knew he was your lowkey nephew,” Chris whined/.</p>
<p>“He started to call me uncle so we went with it. Spencer is still his godfather though.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know that! Ahh!! My heart!” Chris leans back and clenches his chest while Aaron holds his back from falling.</p>
<p>Chris pulled back into Aaron’s arms and they sway with Queen playing now, and chit chat of the team on the background. They’re chest to chest, face so close they can feel each other’s breath. Inside, Chris still feels overwhelmed with joy, so much it’s pouring out in obscure ways. No, he’s not vomiting.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Aaron asked with so much worry that it makes Chris pour even harder. They sway in a way where Chris can hide the mess of his face from the rest of the team near the table.</p>
<p>“I’m just happy,” Chris’s voice embarrassingly cracked and his vision blurs because of the pool in his eyes. Thankfully, Aaron’s hand comes to the rescue. “This is the best Christmas slash New year that I’ve ever had for a long time. It feels like I’m... I’m with a family, and I feel so welcomed it’s-”</p>
<p>Ah damn, he just remembered that he puts on a tinted moisturizer. Chris knocks his head back and absorb the tears back and breathes. He’s being ridiculous. At a time like this, he shouldn’t be crying about that.</p>
<p>“God, I’m sorry for the waterworks. I just love events like this. Especially with your team. Especially with you. Maybe just because it’s related to you,” Chris thinks out loud, because he doesn’t know why he’s being a crybaby over something that makes him happy.</p>
<p>“I think I’ve just missed you so much. You gave me a radio silence for five days, and I think I was having a withdrawal,” and that was the wrong thing to say because Aaron’s sighs bear weight.</p>
<p>“I know, I’m sorr-”</p>
<p>“No no,” Chris scolds, putting his palm to sandwich his beautiful face. “That’s a bad habit Aaron Hotchner, and now you have to promise me to never ever do that again.”</p>
<p>Still sandwiched, the profiler is somehow clueless, “Do what?”</p>
<p>“Blaming yourself because I was being needy. Especially the reason why couldn’t be helped. I would’ve still missed you if we didn’t see each other for an hour. I know it sounds cheesy and impossible but we’re not talking about my needy issues here. We’re talking about your self. Blaming. Issues.” Chris’s hands slip away from Aaron’s face. “I’ll always gonna say I miss you, but I’ll always gonna wait for you and I don’t mind! Because you always come back and eventually, we always get together and do mushy stuff like this.”</p>
<p>Chris is still hiding behind Aaron’s figure, so he sneaks a quick peck. “So, I don’t mind waiting, you’re so worth it. Heck, I’ll wait for my whole life if I have to.”</p>
<p>In front of his eyes, he watched how Aaron’s olive tinted eyes sparkle. The hand that slips down to his chest can feel how his heart pushes against it.</p>
<p>“I promise I won’t make you wait that long,” Aaron whispered as his lips pull a wry smile. Oh no, he had wanted to cheer him up but now he looks even more angsty.</p>
<p>“I’m serious okay? You love what you do, and you belong to what you do. As your partner, I’m here to support all that! So like... you know??” Chris ran out of comprehensible words, but he ain't a coward to let his lack of words stops him from cheering up his bae.</p>
<p>“I’m rooting for you and all that stuff! You know? Look I’m not blaming you for feeling guilty. I know you can’t help it, you beautiful kind man!” Chris pleas tearfully. “I know that we’re new and all, but I’ve never been this stubborn before. So, you’re not getting away from me that easily! I don’t know why you look so tearful right now. We’re here together aren’t we?”</p>
<p>And that makes Aaron smiles. “I know, and I’m happy that we are. I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>Oh... oh, he’s not tearful in a sad way... Chris does be dumb sometimes, but now it’s Chris that’s tearful.</p>
<p>“We really do be here trying to make each other cry huh?”</p>
<p>Aaron chuckled, and the melodic tone makes Chris feel at ease, “You started it.”</p>
<p>“No, you!”</p>
<p>“No, you.”</p>
<p>“You!”</p>
<p>“You. Dibs.”</p>
<p>“Wha- huh?” Then Aaron leaves him alone with a cheeky smile as he returns to the table.</p>
<p>Their small world finally expands as Aaron walks away. Henry is asleep in Jj’s arms. Reid also passed out on the chair. At some point that Chris doesn’t realize, Rossi whipped out a bottle of whiskey and make it go around William, Alex, and Derek.</p>
<p>“That’s... That’s not how dibs work, man.”</p>
<p>-.-.-.-.-</p>
<p>By the time the party ended, Chris left with a lot of new contact numbers in his phone, and a promise to Garcia that they’ll go to Werq the World tour. On the drive back to Aaron’s place, he’s the one driving the car because Aaron is feeling a little tipsy.</p>
<p>Only now after he’s away from the commotion that he remembers the one thing that’s been bugging him.</p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to ask but it didn’t feel right,” Chris premised, getting Aaron’s attention. “Was Emily not invited?”</p>
<p>Aaron inhaled, looking away to the road. That’s not a good reaction. “Emily died.”</p>
<p>“Oh...” The shock made him press pause. Then he feels panic. Don’t just say ‘oh’, say something else like a normal humanoid! “I’m sorry. Is it okay if I know how?”</p>
<p>“A case went bad, that’s all I can say.”</p>
<p>“Okay... Okay.” Chris goes back to driving. Emily and he are in no way BFF. They just got along that one time and that’s it. No swapping numbers, no ‘how are you gurl?’ after a few weeks, nothing like that. That doesn’t mean Emily is a stranger.</p>
<p>Chris is reminded of how bad death feels.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Aaron asked.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. I’m just not good at handling death. I...” Chris breathes in the ‘alpine forest’ scented air and sighs. He doesn’t want to mull over it. He doesn’t want to bring the mood down. Today must’ve been the team’s rebound after grieving over Emily. Aaron also seems happy, Chris can’t imagine what he feels after losing a member towards a case.</p>
<p>No... that’s not correct. Chris knows exactly what it feels like. So, he’s not going to elongate their mourning period.</p>
<p>“So long, Emily! She’s up in the stars now,” Chris kisses his knuckles and points to the roof of the car, because what else can he do? “Your wits, personality, work, and on-point eyebrows will be remembered and missed.”</p>
<p>“She will be,” Aaron adds while chuckling amusedly. Good to know that Aaron likes Chris's way of mourning. “Speaking of asking things, what did JJ say to you?”</p>
<p>“Huh? JJ? What does-- Oh.” Yeah, oh. “Don’t tell me everyone noticed that I went 404 error.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think so, I just paid close attention to you.”</p>
<p>“You did, huh? Can’t take your eyes to a sweet little thang like me?” Chris teased, and of course, by now, Aaron is immune to most of his teasing. Most.</p>
<p>“Not when you’re moving the way you’ve been moving,” Aaron says in that smooth low voice, and honestly Chris is dead.</p>
<p>After a chuckle, Chris finds it not as hard to tell him. “She asked if I want to have children.”</p>
<p>“Mhm, and?”</p>
<p>“And... I don’t know. I know we’re together for the long run, and I’d be down if you’re down with it. I’m just not confident in my parenting skills.”</p>
<p>“I think you have the talent. Henry never plays along with someone he just met, but he did with you.”</p>
<p>“I think he did because he sees me as a fellow child,” Chris chuckles. “Honestly, I don’t have the childhood to know how to raise a child correctly. If you do want children, please tell me two years in advance so I can... I don’t know, go to a class about parenting so I won't mess them up.”</p>
<p>Aaron paused, and that’s when Chris noticed he talked more than he let on.</p>
<p>A hand lands on his shoulder, “<em>If</em> we decide to have children, I have the experience and you have the child-like heart to become their friend. Hypothetically, you’re going to do just fine.”</p>
<p>Till now, he still doesn’t understand how Aaron always finds a way to ensure him like that. Even when Chris thinks his argument is rock solid and logical, Aaron swiggity-swoot in and tell him ‘No no, actually, you’re great, and here’s why’ and Chris can’t debunk him because he’s always right. Chris is totally a child that will go well befriending any other child.</p>
<p>“Oh you and your magical brain, how do you always know what to say.”</p>
<p>“It’s my blessing and my curse.”</p>
<p>“Well your curse is my blessing, curse it all up on my joint.” Wow, maybe Chris is tipsy too because he does not makes any sense there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room always smells like bacon, grease, and butter on toast. Every morning, he wakes to the sizzling in the kitchen and an occasional cry of  “Yargh!” and “Ow!” and sometimes “Off the kitchen counter, Rosco!”</p>
<p>As he walks down the corridor to the kitchen, the first thing he sees is a plate full of greasy food, a pile of lettuce special for him, and a big burly man facing away from him.</p>
<p>“CHRIS? CHRISSSEEEYYYYH!” The man says in all caps. No, he’s not shouting, his default voice is always all caps. “Wakey Wakey Chris! Time for school!!”</p>
<p>“I’m here Matty,” Chris says, and he’s suddenly sitting down. The bowl of lettuce is now raw spinach.</p>
<p>“Whatcha think? I got you some veggies!” Matty says with a proud smile as his fingers were close to a hot pan that’s busy frying another batch of bacon when a few are already on the table. Matty looks so proud that Chris almost doesn’t have it in him to tell him. Almost.</p>
<p>“These are spinach, Matty. I can’t eat it raw and bare like this.”</p>
<p>“Ya tellin’ me that’s not romaine??? Well, I gotta bone to pick with the grocery guy.”</p>
<p>“I’ll go shopping with you.”</p>
<p>“YOU WOULD?” Matty goes all caps again, “Aw right! Awesome!”</p>
<p>Suddenly, Chris is at Walmart. A fat lady with a SpongeBob face tee and brown short pants keep staring at the Lays chips on his hand. A guy with a beard as long as his knees have an assault rifle slung on his back.</p>
<p>“Get more Chris! More!”</p>
<p>“No... no, I don’t need more. Just this is okay. I can live with a few.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you don’t need to do that anymore. You can eat whatever you want!!” Matty waves comically, the trolley filled with meats, chips, boxes of doughnuts, and everything Matty likes.</p>
<p>Chris reaches out to a Haribo Peach gummy and broke down crying.</p>
<p>“I want pancakes, with maple syrup.”</p>
<p>“And you’ll get it!”</p>
<p>They’re back in their kitchen. Rosco is under the table, hissing, and pawing at his feet. In front of him is a tiny fist wide pancake, swimming in a bowl of syrup.</p>
<p>Just as he was about to dig in, Chris opens his eyes.</p>
<p>Blanket tucked to his chin, Chris slept curled up to a ball, clutching the sheets under. The window curtains are closed but the little gap in between decides to be a dick and blast a bright light right to his eyeballs. After a few times blinking, he realized what a weird dream he had. Another few seconds, he just remembered that he’s at Aaron’s place. By then, he already forgot what he was dreaming about.</p>
<p>The room smells like pancakes. Sizzles coming from the kitchen. The voice sounds chill and he can smell this scent forever and tries to get back to sleep. In the end, his hunger wins over his sleepiness.</p>
<p>Chris stretched, groaned, and slither from the warm blanket and push his body up. The floor is clean from the clothes he tossed there last night. It’s all neatly folded on the night table across the bed.</p>
<p>The clothes he wears are not his, neither in his pants. Realizing that, Chris hugs himself and lightly giggles.</p>
<p>“Hee hee, Aaron’s clothes,” he mused, still not right in the head after freshly woken up.</p>
<p>As he walks into the kitchen, Aaron has his back on him. He’s making pancakes, while there are already three healthy stacks by the table, a carton of milk, cereal, and a bowl of fruit.</p>
<p>Chris makes a beeline to Aaron’s back and wraps his arms like a snake, snuggling the ever-loving life out of Aaron’s waist. Still tired, he closed his eyes as he lays his head on Aaron’s shoulder.</p>
<p>They stay like that as Aaron finishes the last pancake.</p>
<p>Aaron put his hand on top of Chris’s hands and lay his head on top of Chris’.</p>
<p>“Hungry?” He asked with a low rasp.</p>
<p>“Hmmm, not anymore.”</p>
<p>“What could be the reason?”</p>
<p>“I have something better in my arms right now,” Chris snuggles even closer, tighter like he did to Rosco plushie as he hides his face.</p>
<p>The smell of pancakes, the warmth of the room, the dull grey winter morning sky outside, and the warm unit in his arms. The vibe so chill not even Lofi Hip hop can recreate this feeling.</p>
<p>Slowly, he remembers what he says to Hotch yesterday, and to everyone. He wasn’t drunk, but yesterday he was on some kind of crazy. He can’t believe he told Alex that embarrassing story. He can’t believe he moved so vulgarly with Garcia while a child is present. Also, he can’t believe he was rolling on the grass with Henry with very dangerous sparklers in hand.</p>
<p>Lastly, he can’t believe what he says out loud to Aaron at the party. It was cringy and kind of cheesy and he swore to himself that he’s not that type of boyfriend. Turns out he is, but in no way did he regret it. Last night was fun, whether or not Chris is being a total lunatic.</p>
<p>“Yesterday I was kinda crazy huh?” Chris mumbles against Aaron’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“You were hyper, but at least Garcia and Henry have another person to match up to their energy.”</p>
<p>“Good to know my cracks head is appreciated.”</p>
<p>“Hey, <em>I </em>appreciate it.”</p>
<p>“Yes you do, how did you do it? How did you handle me?”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing to handle, you’re fun, bright, and patient with me... and you support me,” Aaron says after a pause, so soft that Chris almost misses how sweet his tone is. Aaron turns around, and Chris loosens his grasp so he can.</p>
<p>Two palms rest on his face, and Aaron looks some type of angelic with his messy hair and unkempt face. His hands on Aaron’s hip loops around and locks above his ass. Closing his eyes, he waits for the incoming kiss. Nothing open mouth though, because he has a morning breath. A kiss soon came. It’s so chaste and cute that Chris giggles at the feeling, but the next kiss doesn’t come.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>Sucked in breath, Chris pops his eyes open. He can feel it in every muscle of his face how he quickly changes to surprised, realization, touched, and downright wanting to cry. Watching all of this, Aaron just smiles and waits. When and how Aaron got used to his antics, Chris may never know.</p>
<p>“I...” Great, his voice is breaking. “I love you too.” His heart grows a hundred times, it feels like his ribs are crushing it. “So much that sometimes I just... I just don’t know how I can show you.”</p>
<p>“It shows. It always shows.” Aaron leans in and kisses him again, with the hint of wanting more.</p>
<p>Chris shut his lips tight and leans away, “No, I have morning breath!”</p>
<p>“Just not your mouth then?”</p>
<p>“Sure.” Saying that, Chris soon realized how creative Aaron is with kissing everywhere else than his mouth. Soon kissing got heated to something the kitchen can’t handle.</p>
<p>And they eat cold pancakes for lunch.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Perusian lilies bouquet in hand, he almost didn’t see the man hanging on the cafe’s front porch. To be fair, the man sitting there looks way different than the one he sees in the pictures. As he ordered a cup of matcha latte, his eyes keep looking to that man sitting with a brooding face. It’s night time, but the streets are well lit, so there’s no way Chris mistakes that face.</p>
<p>The man is looking down at his phone, a paper cup of coffee/tea on the table, and his face adorning that sad look<sup>tm</sup>. You know, the slightly furrowed eyebrows, the sighing, the looking away to the road. Like Batman. Okay, maybe not like Batman, more like... Pete from South Park.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, he’s already in front of the sad little thang.</p>
<p>“Hi, are you Sean Hotchner?”</p>
<p>The man looks up from his phone, wide-eyed and a bit suspicious. Yet Chris –the dumbass- is blinded by his excitement because duh, Aaron’s estranged lost little brother is here! A cafe that’s only a few blocks from the BAU office. He must’ve been looking for Aaron! Aw!</p>
<p>“And you are?” Sean asked, twitching an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>“Chris Hamlyn, I’m Aaron’s boyfriend!” At the surprised look in Sean’s face, Chris finally catches on. “Uh, we’ve been dating a few months, I take it you didn’t know about that?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Uh... You’re waiting for him, right? His office is like 10 minutes away by bus.”</p>
<p>“So what if I am?”</p>
<p>“He’s still in the meeting, he’d be done in...” Chris puts his cup on Sean’s table and looks at his phone, “In two hours.”</p>
<p>“How did you know that?”</p>
<p>“Uh, because I’m his boyfriend and I supposed to meet him today.”</p>
<p>“Uh-huh.” Sean has his arms folded, now glaring at him, and Chris feels so awkward. What did he do wrong? “I don’t know who you are and how you know me, but you’re not being convincing. Get out of my face or I’ll report you from stalking my brother.”</p>
<p>“Whoa! Whoa hey...” Chris backs up, hugging the big flower bouquet still in his arms. A few people around the patio tables are looking at them.</p>
<p>“Okay, wrong approach, sorry,” Chris puts out his palms, “I’m gonna prove it okay?”</p>
<p>Sean only cocked his eyebrows and says nothing else. Chris takes that as a passive agreement. He searches through his gallery and picks the most SFW picture possible. It’s a group picture from that Christmas party at Rossi’s. As soon as he shows his phone, he soon realized that it looks like a common get together.</p>
<p>“Looks like you’re just friends here,” Sean says.</p>
<p>Chris rechecks the photo and now he’s the one making faces at Sean. “Do friends put his hands on his other guy friend’s waist?”</p>
<p>“Some.”</p>
<p>“C’mon dude!”</p>
<p>“Last time I know, he’s dating a girl. I don’t know why you’re pretending to be what you are.”</p>
<p>“I know about Beth. Her job transferred her to China and they split up.”</p>
<p>“How do you know me?”</p>
<p>“Because I saw your face on the pictures hanged in Aaron’s place.”</p>
<p>“You snuck in too, you bastard!” Sean gets up hands reaching out to Chris but his reflex is quicker. He defensively slaps away the incoming hand and steps back from Sean’s range.</p>
<p>“I didn’t sneak in!” Chris hugs his flowers protectively, even the flowers with the card for Aaron still sounds creepy and can’t be proved.</p>
<p>To some, Sean’s suspicion is overrated, but Chris gets it. Psychos have gotten to Aaron once, heck, to all of his team. How can he prove to him that Chris is Aaron’s boyfriend? It has not been this hard before.</p>
<p>Chris has some bed pics, but he doesn’t want to traumatize Sean like that. He also has some bed pics with Aaron. Again, traumatizing, and he doesn’t think Aaron would like his brother to see that side of him.</p>
<p>“Is there any problem here?” Comes to the scene a woman with a Karen hairstyle and a manager uniform. She has some muscles on her arms that even Chris gets intimidated.</p>
<p>“No, it’s just a misunderstanding,” Chris calmed the same time Sean says, “This stalker is pretending to be my brother’s boyfriend.”</p>
<p>The woman sees both of them back and forth, eyes sharp and lips scowling. “I’ve seen you before,” the manager points at Chris. “You always came here to wait for that man in a suit with black hair.”</p>
<p>“Yes!” Chris cried with joy.</p>
<p>“Is he bothering you?” The manager points at Sean.</p>
<p>“Nooo, he’s not! Please, let us stay. We won’t cause any trouble!”</p>
<p>“I know you won’t,” The manager says to Chris. She points at her fingers then to Sean’s. “I’m watching yall. Behave.”</p>
<p>“We will, thanks ma’am!”</p>
<p>“I still don’t believe you,” Sean says after the manager goes back inside.</p>
<p>“Okay, that’s fair.” Chris sits on the chair across the table.</p>
<p>“Who says you can sit on my table?”</p>
<p>“Dude, we’re both waiting for Aaron. These flowers are for Aaron. I was about to spend time with him today as a late Valentine days date. I haven’t seen him in two weeks... Sorry for the sudden vent there.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t explain why you have to sit with me.”</p>
<p>“Because we’re both waiting for Aaron! And you can watch me if you’re still suspicious and I don’t want to wait alone.”</p>
<p>It takes a few seconds before Sean resignedly sigh, which is a very similar sigh to Aaron. That resigned disappointed sigh.</p>
<p>Sean sits back to his seat, looking away from Chris.</p>
<p>Then the mood gets awkward. Chris drinks his Matcha Latte and pretends to be on his phone.</p>
<p>It’s so awkward! Chris keeps staring at his text messages and doing absolutely nothing. Maybe he should just text random people to seem occupied.</p>
<p>To Haily: I just met with Aaron’s little brother.</p>
<p>To Haily: And said hi.</p>
<p>To Haily: Lol he did not believe that I’m his brother’s boyfriend. He thought I was a stalker.</p>
<p>Okay, now what? Haily hasn’t even read it yet. Oh! He should tell Aaron Sean is here, duh.</p>
<p>To Aaron: Yo, I met Sean! We’re sitting together at Bri’s rn.</p>
<p>To Aaron: He doesn’t believe I’m your boyfriend tho lol.</p>
<p>A light bulb shine like the sun on top of his head. “Dude, do you want to see my texts with Aaron?”</p>
<p>Sean looks back at Chris, scowling before finally extending his hand. Before reading, Sean took out his own phone and seems to compare, maybe for phone numbers? Satisfied, Chris sees Sean scroll up their text history, occasionally Sean would look at Chris in a disbelieving look, and Chris returns the feeling. All his texts with Aaron are 100% PG maybe there’re some subtle innuendos there but what is he, twelve?</p>
<p>Just now he remembered that he also has some lewd pics of himself for Aaron after knowing he likes seeing them. He deleted all his lewd pics from the chatbox, right? Right. Maybe he didn’t yet? Shit.</p>
<p>Before Chris can put out a disclaimer, Sean hands him back the phone.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Sean says, looking bashful.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, you saw it didn’t you?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“N-Nevermind, haha.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” Sean says again, to his eyes this time.</p>
<p>“I get it, you’re just being careful, it’s cool.”</p>
<p>Then they fell to another silence. Only now that Chris can look closely at Sean. The brothers look similar. The similar shape of the face and thin lips, but Sean has more arch on the lips and softer eyes than the intense feel of Aaron’s. Their nose is like a copy-paste of each other. The most obvious difference is that Aaron has dark hair and eyes while Sean is the classic dreamboat type with dirty blond and blue eyes.</p>
<p>“So,” Chris starts, “Do you have questions for me?”</p>
<p>Sean squints his eyes and frowns. Scary. Not the look, Sean looks like one of that prince charming turned real. Being judged by Aaron’s brother is scary. This is like the pre-Christmas party all over again.</p>
<p>“I don’t have any for you.”</p>
<p>“Oookay... I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry, I know my approach is...” What <em>is</em> wrong with his approach? He thinks it’s too cheerful, yes, “Aggressive?” Was it though? “Um, I met Aaron on a case,” Chris tries sharing.</p>
<p>“Were you the victim?”</p>
<p>“Nah, I was the detective that calls them to assist for my precinct.”</p>
<p>“Huh,” Sean huffs and looks away.</p>
<p>Alright, that didn’t work. Chris tried, and it doesn’t seem that Sean wants to talk to him. There’s no helping that, he thought.</p>
<p>Chris looks back to his phone and saw his venting texts have been replied.</p>
<p>From Haily: aansjndhbv show him yall’s nudes</p>
<p>To Haily: We don’t take nudes.</p>
<p>From Haily: Really? Didn’t you give him racy pics?</p>
<p>To Haily: Just MY racy pics, which if Sean sees it I’ll be lookin like that white chic from obsessed.</p>
<p>From Haily: Pfft. Yall still waiting?</p>
<p>To Haily: Yea, it’s hella awkward.</p>
<p>To Haily: Dunno, I’m just v nervous. Kinda having 2001 vibes.</p>
<p>From Haily: If Aaron is as good as you said, he wouldn’t.</p>
<p>To Haily: and you’re right, he won’t do that.</p>
<p>Aaron also replies.</p>
<p>From Aaron: I know, I just saw Sean’s text. Omw.</p>
<p>To Aaron: Yay!</p>
<p>To Aaron: Btw it’s cool, he believes me now.</p>
<p>To Haily: My bby is on the way.</p>
<p>From Haily: Good. When he comes, shoves your tongue down his throat.</p>
<p>To Haily: gr8t idea.</p>
<p>Chris is not gonna do that. Unless?</p>
<p>He needs to stop thinking he’s gonna do what he impulsively not gonna do because one of these days he’s gonna go ahead and do it.</p>
<p>He looks up to Sean, who’s still so tense that Chris can feel it. Chris doesn’t know the whole picture of their relationship. He just knew that their dad died first and his mom soon followed when Sean is in his late teens and Aaron was still a prosecutor. They only had each other for a long time then got estranged. That’s where Chris doesn’t understand. Chris can imagine Aaron being hard on Sean, and Sean the rebel teenager wouldn’t like that.</p>
<p>Aaron is not a bad person, he can imagine him being the annoyingly strict parent, but enough for Sean to leave rather than stay in contact? Really? Aaron loves Sean to death and Chris can see that, why would he ever let Sean go like that? They didn’t have anyone but each other, and Chris can’t imagine any reason why their relationship ended up the way it is now. Estranged and awkward. Maybe Chris will never understand. It will be the only thing he can’t sympathize with, and that’s a record.</p>
<p>“Dude, he’ll be happy to see you,” Chris noted, blankly, because it seems like Sean doesn’t like Chris’s bubbly approach.</p>
<p>“What made you say that?”</p>
<p>“You’re so tense I can feel it from here.”</p>
<p>Sean looks down to his paper cup, tapping his fingers on it. “You don’t know that.”</p>
<p>“Don’t know what? That you’re tense?”</p>
<p>“That he’d be happy to see me.” That’s... okay, there’s no time to feel angsty now. “We haven’t been family in a while.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you <em>can</em> stop being family. Just because you didn’t meet regularly doesn’t mean you’re suddenly strangers. Real life is not the sims 1” Okay he needs to calm down.</p>
<p>“Stop talking like you know everything, you don’t. Being Aaron’s boyfriend doesn’t mean a thing.”</p>
<p>Ouch, add that to the list of what to feel angsty over later.</p>
<p>“Sure, I totally didn’t hear him doting on you for 2 straight hours,” Chris said sarcastically, in a friendly way of course.</p>
<p>“He didn’t do that.”</p>
<p>“You best believe he did. I have two eyes with 20/20 vision gained by pricy LASIK. The way he stares at your photos is all love and compassion and worry and all of the above.”</p>
<p>“You’re just making that up through rose-colored lense.”</p>
<p>“I hear him say, ‘Sean changed his phone number again, I haven’t heard from him for over a year, I hope he’s okay’ which is his way of crying.” Sean presses his lips, expressing the ever-growing dislike towards Chris. “I’m kidding! He’s not crying, he never cries, not even metaphorically or hypothetically, his tear duct is surgically removed when he was a baby and never knows the act of raining eyes, whatever!” Chris defends, theatrically might be understating it.</p>
<p>“It’s hard to believe he ever did that since it seems that I always disappoint him,” Sean said after a pause.</p>
<p>“I don’t blame you, he does have that resting disappointed face.” Sean scoffs at that, which is a type of laughter, score! “I don’t think he’s ever disappointed in you, disagree maybe, strongly disagree even, and sometimes he slips in his profiling skills to show you why you’re wrong based on your behavior.”</p>
<p>“Exactly!” Sean exclaims. Wow, that’s a strong reaction.</p>
<p>“But it’s not like he can help it. He does that because he doesn’t want us getting hurt and he’s doing it with the only way he knows best. By provoking us with the best skill he has and mastered.” Chris uses ‘us’ prominently, hoping Sean can catch that Chris is not saying on behalf of Sean alone.</p>
<p>“Can’t he just realize that we’re not the unsub here, we don’t need profiling, I just need a brother!”</p>
<p>“And he is!” by the growing tension, Chris starts to feel it too, “Just because he doesn’t show his affection or act his roles the way we want it, doesn’t mean it’s is invalid.” Didn’t he say to himself to calm down a few paragraphs ago? Calm the f down. “But to be fair that argument doesn’t work on parents abusing their children as a ‘tough love’ excuse, because fuck that.”</p>
<p>Sean fell silent, and it makes Chris's heart thrum manically. Frick, did he say something wrong?</p>
<p>“Fine, we did have issues.”</p>
<p>Whew.</p>
<p>“Did you have those issues with him?”</p>
<p>Uh-oh. Thread carefully from this point on Chris.</p>
<p>“More like misinformation due to his lack of emotional expression. I thought I did something wrong or maybe he didn’t like what I say or did. At first, I thought he was often mad at me, but I always ask about it. In all the cases it’s always me misinterpreting what he thinks based on his choice of words, tone, and again, that resting disappointed face. Then all I need to do is look closely and when in doubt, talk about it.”</p>
<p>There’s another wave of silence from Sean. Chris just can’t with silence. Why can’t Sean think faster!</p>
<p>“That simple huh?” Sean says with that tone of regret Chris knows too well. He had heard it often from Aaron.</p>
<p>Oh, if only he knew. Don’t get him wrong. Chris loves Aaron to death from the first time he saw him and had fallen even deeper as time went by, but it isn’t always smooth sailing.</p>
<p>Aaron always gives the impression that he’s cold, or uncaring when it’s not true, as Chris learned. When he’s at work, he can’t be bothered at all because his attention is focused solely on his work, of course, Chris will be brushed off. He did say he’s sorry after that and explained how he can’t juggle between his personal life and work-life at a quick pace. It’s one of the ways he can give Aaron the space to be the sweet Aaron and the dependable focused unit chief Hotch in his own pace.</p>
<p>There’s where Chris struggles at first. The feeling that he’s the only one trying, or the only one being vulnerable. But that’s all there is to it, feelings. Aaron tries in his own way and he sacrificed his time equally.</p>
<p>For a few months Chris learned that to Aaron, he’s a completely open book because he’s expressive in nature. To Chris however, Aaron seems like a mystery and concealed. However, he was proven wrong because all Chris had to do is ask and express himself truthfully. He’ll tell Aaron when he feels lonely, or bad, or feel brushed off. He’ll even tell if there’s any behavior Aaron did that makes him feel some type of way. No matter how little, no matter how petty, Aaron will tell the truth and open up his vulnerability without a single fight.</p>
<p>To be given that trust by Aaron makes him feel so touched that sometimes Chris doesn’t dare to ask. Afraid that Aaron will give him something he can’t give, yet does anyway. See, there’s where Chris jumps in to balance him. He won’t ask what Aaron can’t give.</p>
<p>Tldr, Communication. Periodt.</p>
<p>But let’s not get that ted talk to Sean, yet. He doesn’t want to aggravate the already hissy cat.</p>
<p>“I guess it’s simple when I put it like that. You guys know each other longer than I did with Aaron and I don’t know the full picture of what’s happening between the two of you. So I take it it’s a bit more complicated than meets the eye?”</p>
<p>“No, I think we’re just too stubborn for our own good.”</p>
<p>Ah... well, Chris kinds of getting it? Aaron is stubborn but it feels like with Chris he doesn’t show that side very often. Is that bad?</p>
<p>“Well, you’re here, and he’s going to be here, I bet you guys can hug it out.”</p>
<p>“You think?”</p>
<p>“Uh-huh.”</p>
<p>Chris looks down on his phone and texts Aaron.</p>
<p>To Aaron: I’m gonna go home after I giv ya the flowers.</p>
<p>To Aaron: So ya bois can have some quality time ;)</p>
<p>From Aaron: Flowers?</p>
<p>Ah, shmuck! The flowers were supposed to be a surprise.</p>
<p>From Aaron: Thank you, I’ll come to your house next time.</p>
<p>Chris sighed. He really looked forward to today’s date. Guess it can’t be helped. Family is always first, and Sean is the only immediate family Aaron has. So, he understands that Sean coming to see him is super duper important.</p>
<p>A few minutes passed like an hour, but his dreamy baby finally rolled to the sidewalk. The first person he sees is Sean, with that same brooding look he saw on Sean before he came and ruin it all. Then Chris finally got the share of his attention, his reaction in front of Sean would be the tried and truth if 2001 will repeat herself.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Aaron smile from ear to ear, extend his arms to wrap around his shoulder and land a kiss on his cheek.</p>
<p>Relieve wash over him. He knew he shouldn’t doubt Aaron.</p>
<p>“Sean,” Aaron breathed and hugs his little brother that doesn’ seem so little. Sean hugs him back just as tightly and they stay long enough to make Chris melts. Oh, Chris wished he can watch two of them forever but he’s not that type of freak.</p>
<p>Eventually, they push apart.</p>
<p>“Good to see you,” Aaron squeezes his shoulder. When Sean looks at him, Chris gave him an I-told-you-so smile. Can’t help it.</p>
<p>“So, here’s your flowers, happy late valentines day!”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Aaron takes the flowers off his hands and looks marvelous with it in his arms. It’s one of the reasons Chris likes giving Aaron flowers, Aaron likes it, and he looks mighty delicious and precious hugging a flower bouquet.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you soon sweetpea,” Chris hugs him one more time, “You guys have a good time now!”</p>
<p>Chris wave to both of them and walk off to the sidewalk on the way to the bus station.</p>
<p>It feels a bit heavy leaving after expecting a full day with Aaron, but what can you do. Whatever, the cute story of their making up would be totally worth it!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ever since he’s with Chris, the stream of flowers comes almost every celebratory event, and they’re always beautiful. He was never in a relationship where he was the one given flowers. An odd thing flowers are. They serve no purpose but luxury ones. Gifted flowers are beautiful until they will eventually die. Yet Aaron can’t help to love every shape and type of flowers Chris had given him. The only thing he feels bad for is that he’s rarely in his home to enjoy them.</p>
<p>He takes the Peruvian lilies to his kitchen and cut the bottom edges of all flowers in a 45-degree angle.  To the vase, he adds a liter of water, ¼ teaspoon of bleach, and a teaspoon of pre-dissolved sugar.</p>
<p>The flowers sit in a vase close to the walls of pictures. Stepping back, Aaron looks at the wall with its whole entirety.</p>
<p>His walls are filled with people dear to him. His parents and Sean. Haley, Jack, him and Haley’s side of the family. A picture of his team when Emily is still there. Then the new addition, the picture from Rossi’s Christmas party with Chris.</p>
<p>The wall was a reminder to remember his failures and to remind himself of the people that are still with him. Half of the people in these pictures are no longer with him. Either by death or by choice.</p>
<p>He had lost many yet he’s blessed with loving few. Fair, he thought.</p>
<p>The flowers take his attention to Chris’ picture. Maybe it’s because they have different personalities, but Aaron can’t understand how Chris can always smile happily like that. He’s full of love and generally positive in his out view, and he’s giving that out to the world consistently, even in his work. Chris is giving him all of that as if he’s the center of Chris’ world.</p>
<p>Chris had given so much of his patience and trust into their relationship. Chris is always the one pro-active, takes initiation, more expressive, and attentive. Once, he felt guilty for receiving so many shapes of love when he felt like he didn’t give as much. When Aaron says that, Chris just said it’s because he’s not used at being pampered and he shouldn’t that way too much.</p>
<p>And he’s right, he’s not used to it. He’s used to disappointed sighs, solemn resignations, being left alone until he seeks, and starts the initiation. Aaron doesn’t know what to feel about the attention he’s having at first, then he just let himself be happy as he receives what Chris would give him, and try the best he can to give back.</p>
<p>So far, this has been the most fulfilling relationship he’s been in. Even his team that sees him at the Christmas party would say that he’s truly happy with Chris.</p>
<p>Except for Sean.</p>
<p>It’s unproductive to think about what he lacks with raising Sean. They’re too much alike for there be any balance capable to be. Their choices are different but they stand on it with the same stubborn stance.</p>
<p>Sean had told him that he’s moving to DC. He opened his own pub and has been clean for a few months. Aaron is proud of it all until-</p>
<p>Sighing, he brushed off the thought. He checks his phone, knowing Chris’ texts are waiting for him.</p>
<p>A picture of him putting a cat face mask that always looks like terror when it's put on human faces. He’s posing with the cat plushie again. Ever since he gave that to him, 90% of the selfies include that cat with a condescending stare.</p>
<p>From Chris: Self caaare!</p>
<p>From Chris: Tell me how it goes with Sean!</p>
<p>This is another complication. He doesn’t want to tell Chris, knowing that Chris will take it the hard way. But he never lied to Chris unless his job told him to. It’s the only thing he can do for him, to never tell a lie.</p>
<p>To Chris: Not as good as I had hoped.</p>
<p>From Chris: Do you wanna talk about it?</p>
<p>Aaron paused by the respond. He has options.</p>
<p>To Chris: No.</p>
<p>From Chris: Ok.</p>
<p>From Chris: Btw what u having for dinner?</p>
<p>From Chris: I’m having spaghetti, are you jelly?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't worry, this is not a plot brewing or something like that... I could neverrr</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if it matters, this chapter is 4.9 k long. So like, it's pretty lengthy and could be disappointing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It’s a wild thing really. Like who would’ve thought that out of all the places he comes to, he found Sean’s bar! He didn’t even know that Sean owns a bar near the precinct.</p><p>The pub is new in town and obviously, as an elite Yelp reviewer, he has to try it only to know that the owner is Sean! Huh! Aaron did tell him that, but he didn’t know it’s this close.</p><p>“Hi!” Chris leans over the bar, was about to order something until he sees Sean’s displeased face.</p><p>“Oh, you.” He says after wiping the bar. Yikes, seems like he’s still doesn’t like Chris. That’s giving him bad vibes.</p><p>“Yeah me! I work near here, Precinct 99 is two blocks from here.”</p><p>Chris was about to say his order and leave Sean alone until Sean opens his mouth first.</p><p>“Are you still with Aaron?”</p><p>His face froze into this odd smile. He has heard of that question before, it was never followed with anything good.</p><p>“Of course I do, why won’t I?” the smile fell from his face, but it’s still there as if he can’t go lower than that.</p><p>“Nothing.” Maybe he’s reading into it too much. No, he should give himself some credit. Maybe Chris doesn’t have the best first impression, but he had apologized for it and Sean still got some beef on him. Sean is looking at him in some type of way and as far as he knows, he’s not drunk or in any influence to make this up.</p><p>Sighing, Chris says, “You have something to say?”</p><p>Sean quirked an eyebrow, “Nothing?”</p><p>“It sounds like you have an opinion about me, yet you’re not saying it to my face, why is that?” Chris doesn’t say that aggressively, at least he thinks he doesn't, but that fumed up look on Sean’s face seems otherwise.</p><p>“Seems like Aaron ain’t so honest with you huh?”</p><p>“When my boyfriend says he doesn’t want to talk to me about something, I respect it.” Again, putting it out the softest way possible. Can’t help the tiniest bit of sass though, because Sean deserved it.</p><p>“Yeah? How many boundaries are you tolerating for him?”</p><p>“What the-? Boundaries?”</p><p>“You heard me right,” in a weird turn of events, Sean looks away, uncomfortable and looks down shyly. Who is this? Honestly. Why is Sean jumping into and out of his own opinion?</p><p>“I... can’t believe it, Aaron has a resting disappointed face, and you have a resting jock face.”</p><p>“No, I don’t.”</p><p>“Dude, I thought you wanted to square up with me just now.”</p><p>“I don’t.”</p><p>“That’s what I’m saying! Yall are really brothers,” Chris shakes his head as if he can’t believe it. How can two people be so similar yet so different!</p><p>“So, what is it about boundaries?” Chris asked again, friendlier this time knowing Sean is just a shy boi.</p><p>“I tried to talk to Aaron calmly about this if he’s serious with you or just being curious.” Okay, maybe not <em>that</em> shy of a boi.</p><p>“In my perspective, I’m dating Aaron in a long-term view, so does Aaron. No one is playing here.”</p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p>“Bitch, especially you! I don’t remember having this relationship with you!” Okay, he needs to step back. He takes a deep breath and puts his palm down to the bar. “What’s your problem?”</p><p>“I’m just saying that it’s just unusual for-”</p><p>“Don’t circle around it, go straight to the point, Sean.” He might regret that.</p><p>“I said to him that he should consider having you to be his partner.” Yup, he did regret that.</p><p>“Why?” Chris dares, he wished his face doesn’t show the deteriorating motions happening inside him.</p><p>“His preferences have been women, and he’s a family guy. I said he needs to get himself a check because you could’ve been a rebound. He had lost a lot of women in his life, some were really traumatizing. Our mom, his wife, Beth. Some people do get scared. And dating men all of the sudden shows that he’s... okay, how do I put this without being an ass...”</p><p>“Already too late for that, I’m afraid.”</p><p>“But that’s not my point. It’s just that my brother doesn’t have that preference in the first place! He was married before and he had a kid. He always wanted kids. Then he has a girlfriend. Even before Haley, he dated girls. Then... I don’t know, his job must be taking a toll on him and I don’t know how he and Beth broke up-”</p><p>“Seems like you didn’t know your brother all too well.”</p><p>“I know him my whole life, just because you knew him for a few months doesn’t mean you know everything.”</p><p>“So, what you’re saying? This ain't some MTV reality show, are you really telling me to break off with your brother?”</p><p>Sean leans back, pressing his lips just like how Aaron would do when he’s uncomfortable/angry. “I’m just saying that you should reconsider it. That’s all I’m saying! Aaron is a family man, and I don’t think you can biologically give him that.”</p><p>Chris scrunch up his nose in distaste. “Have you been living under a rock or did you really have not heard of adoption or surrogates?”</p><p>“Those are different.”</p><p>“To you maybe, and it’s none of your business.”</p><p>“I just cared for him! He’s my brother, he’s the only one I have left, and I just don’t want to see him getting hurt more than he already has.”</p><p>That one takes Chris stepping back. Though he tried not to show it, his heart stopped, died, and returns as a zombie.</p><p>Chris didn’t say anything when he left. Haily that came with him follows him with questions that he can’t answer.</p><p> </p><p>+++++</p><p> </p><p>To Haily: It’s 2001.</p><p>He finally answered the string of texts from Haily. All he wanted after that mess is go home, take a shower with every nerve relaxing ingredients he has and go to bed hugging Rosco.</p><p>From Haily: Give me the coordinates.</p><p>From Haily: Give me access to the bitch.</p><p>To Haily: Calm thine teats, maDAMN.</p><p>To Haily: My bad, it’s not exactly 2001, not on Aaron’s side, but his brother is like almost word per word.</p><p>From Haily: Then what you worryin for?</p><p>To Haily: It’s awkward Hy!</p><p>From Haily: As long as Aaron staying with you, I’d say Sean can go fuck himself.</p><p>To Haily: I know... I know... I just need a good sleep.</p><p>From Haily: Ok gnite.</p><p>No, Chris is not sleeping. He has been hovering over Aaron’s chatbox for a few minutes, wondering if he should tell him.</p><p>From Aaron: I’m home.</p><p>And he doesn’t know if he wants to dump this problem to him.</p><p>Nah, he will. Remember, when in doubt, ask. Communication.</p><p>To Aaron: So I met Sean today.</p><p>To Aaron: I think I get a sneak peek at what you guys were talking about.</p><p>Then Chris waits.</p><p>He might need to wait until tomorrow. Or a week as the regular maximum.</p><p>Whenever he waits sometimes he does think if it’s gonna be the time where he’ll wait forever.</p><p>He wonders if Aaron ever has that feeling with him. They’ve both lost people important to them. Though they’re completely different in personality, one of the things they can relate to as a whole is loss.</p><p>Chris lost Matty when he was in his twenties, years ago. Every day, if he remembers him, it still feels like yesterday. It doesn’t happen to him anymore.</p><p>His thought process fortunately cut short from a ringtone designated for Aaron. It’s a video call. He leans his phone on the lamp of his night table as he sits up.</p><p>“Hi, Aaron.”</p><p>“Hi, what did he tell you.” Ah, straightforward as ever, so refreshing from the disaster he just experienced. Oh look, Aaron is still in his suit. Yummy, but not yummier than when he’s wearing a shirt with rolled-up sleeves.</p><p>“Basically told me that you’re just using me as a rebound.”</p><p>He can hear the disappointment in his sigh, the only joy he can get from this is that sigh is not directed to him at least.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Aaron leans his hands forward. If he’s there, Aaron would’ve put that somewhere on his body and not on some table. He can’t believe he’s jealous of a table. Why is he so thirsty all of the sudden? Is this a defense mechanism?</p><p>“I... I am. I think.”</p><p>“You know that whatever he says doesn’t change what I think of you.”</p><p>That, Chris has a hard time believing. He wants to say something but he doesn’t want to hurt Aaron for it. But he can’t find any other words for it, so might as well say the truth.</p><p>“I want to believe that Aaron, but I’m afraid.”</p><p>Aaron’s face doesn’t change, but he knew there’s a storm brewing inside him. That nasty feeling when someone questions your loyalty. Chris hates that he’s the one making Aaron feels that way.</p><p>“Afraid of what?”</p><p>Chris needs to thread lightly, truthfully, but he’s honestly not ready. Maybe he has to. He has to.</p><p>“I hate that I made you choose between me and your family.” Okay, that’s not any better than any of the other drafts he’s thinking of.</p><p>“Choose?” Aaron says in puzzlement.</p><p>“I... I don’t know, it’s just that... you’ve lost so many people and I hate to be the reason you’re not getting along with him.”</p><p>“What made you think I’ll choose him over you?”</p><p>“Because <em>I’d</em> kill to have my family back, and he’s the only one you have left. I don’t... I just... I relate to that.”</p><p>Aaron paused, and Chris doesn’t know what he looks like because he’s looking away. That was not the best way to say what he feels, but honestly, he doesn’t know what to feel. On one side, he wants to be with Aaron. At the other, Sean is equally important even though he has a caveman's brain.</p><p>“At the cost of losing you? Never.” That makes Chris look back to the screen and boy did he hope he didn’t. “You’re one of the people I have left Chris.” Damn... that strikes through his heart. If he’s not on this call he would’ve cried, nope they’re coming. Close your eyes breathe in.</p><p>“I don’t have the intention of losing you or Sean. You do understand that he’s being homophobic, right?”</p><p>“Uh...” Chris cleared his throat, “Yeah?”</p><p>“He’ll be around, but we’re not going to be on good terms if he can’t come to terms with the person making me happy happens to be my boyfriend.”</p><p>Damn, that’s powerful. Powerful enough to give his confidence back. Yeah... honestly fuck Sean. Who is he to ridicule who Aaron has a relationship with. Why did Chris have to be so traumatized by 2001, that’s just so old.</p><p>“Thanks, I need that. Topics of family fuck my perception sometimes.”</p><p>“Will you tell me why?”</p><p>Chris does consider telling Aaron more about his family before Matty. He holds a belief that family stays as your family no matter what. He still believes that, hence why he’s a bit ashamed about it. But he thinks it’s time. He knows Aaron won’t think of him any differently, but the story itself has never gone out of his own mouth since he told Haily about it when he was 20.</p><p>“I will, I promise I will, but only when you’re here with me.”</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p> </p><p>++++++</p><p> </p><p>Santiago stomps to the roof, lighter in hand, and a cig between her lips.</p><p>“Ah, perfect timing!”</p><p>“AAAH!” Santiago screamed, dropping everything as she searches the source of the voice.</p><p>It’s Chris, hanging on the concrete railing, waving guiltily with a cig between his fingers.</p><p>“Don’t scare me like that!” she scolds.</p><p>“Sorry chica, don’t mean to.” Chris tips his cig, “Mind letting me borrow your light?”</p><p>Santiago gives him her lighter after puffing her own, “I thought you quit.”</p><p>“I thought you do too.” Chris hands her the light and takes a deep drag. He doesn’t miss smoking, but it calms him when there’s no other way he could.</p><p>“Why are you here Amy?” Chris asked, since they’re practically off the clock anyway.</p><p>It’s funny the way Amy smoke. It always seems like she’s in a hurry. She takes a quick but deep drag, folds her arms and exhales in a gush.</p><p>“Jake doesn’t want to have kids.”</p><p>Chris blows the smoke up, not wanting any of it sticking to his face. “And you do?”</p><p>“Of course! That’s why I’m registering to become a captain, so I can have more time at home and take care of the kids.”</p><p>“I never would’ve guessed.” Chris wants to take another drag but he already feels guilty for smoking a quarter of it. “So, what are you going to do?”</p><p>“I’m planning to have a debate with him about it. I just don’t get it! He has many great qualities of being a great dad but he’s so adamant about not wanting to be-” Amy drags and holds the smoke for a few seconds too long that makes her coughs.</p><p>“You know he has daddy issues,” Chris pats her back until she stopped coughing. “He called me dad once because the other dads of the precinct, Captain Holt and Terry was away.”</p><p>Santiago cocks her head to the side, agreeing, “The debate is gonna clear any of his issues. I have scrapbooks of my debate materials. My arguments are foolproof.”</p><p>“Alright chica, good luck.”</p><p>“Thanks Chris. What about you? What brings you here?”</p><p>Now that Chris thinks about it, the problem isn’t as complex anymore. His nerves were just in the way. And there was also a problem whether or not it’s his problem to jump into.</p><p>“Aaron’s brother doesn’t really like me dating Aaron.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“My gender.”</p><p>Amy’s face is the epitome of an offended Karen. Lips into an oval, hand on chest, gasping, and a glare. “At this time and age?”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“Did you guys fight?”</p><p>“No, we’re just very persistently shunning each other.”</p><p>“Then, why are you stressed out?”</p><p>Chris takes a deep drag of his cig, “I don’t like them fighting like this. It’ not solving any problem. Aaron’s brother is finally getting back to the picture. I don’t want to be the reason that he’s pushed out of the picture again.”</p><p>“But the problem is not you, Aaron’s brother is being an ass.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s valid, but I do think it’s a lowkey thing and he has his brother's best interest in mind.”</p><p>“Okay?” Amy doesn’t seem convinced, “Do you want to do something about it?”</p><p>“You see, that’s that thing! I know it’s technically not <em>my</em> problem. It’s between the two of them right?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Right! But I hate this weird limbo. I want to jump in and maybe made him change his mind so they’d be cool again.”</p><p>Amy’s worried face turned into a tired mom<sup>tm</sup> “Chris, I think you have a problem.”</p><p>“Wha- no I don't!” Chris spluttered, almost choking on smoke.</p><p>“You don’t like being disliked.”</p><p>“I... Fine, you clocked me. It’s true, but can you blame me? He’s my boyfriend’s family. I know ‘getting the family’s approval’ is not in style anymore but it still makes me feel icky inside.”</p><p>“I think you just need to let it go, maybe in time he’ll come around.”</p><p>“Why do you think I’m out here smoking? You’re looking at my last resort coping mechanism.”</p><p>The more he smokess, the more he noticed the bitter taste returning to his mouth. He doesn’t miss that. The last time he smokes was three years ago just before he decided to break up with his long time girlfriend. Four years strong, or so he thought.</p><p>It was a messy break-up. She had issues, the girl she’s cheating on him with was her ex who also had issues. Chris had loved her, every part of her, to the moon and back. They never got engaged, but they went straight to marriage planning. Bought the ring, and decided the month and year of their marriage. Chose the venue, designed a cake, chose a wedding planner. He was in the middle of choosing suits and she had already chosen a dress.</p><p>He did too with Aaron, talking about the future. Is he following a pattern here?</p><p>Chris takes in a deep drag and parts his mouth. Clouds of white dances to the dark sky and disappeared.</p><p>Chris falls hard and fast, it’s common knowledge at this point.</p><p>The part that hurts the most was that she begged to stay with him and Chris would’ve forgiven her in a heartbeat or two if it was just a mistake. Just one time. Just a slip-up. She had been cheating on him for a year. The details of how it happened and why it happened all came out from his nosy teenage neighbor who just had to wait for a fucking year to tell Chris. He skedaddles the fuck outta there as soon as he broke up with her.</p><p>Chris rarely gets angry, but that time, he was so angry with her. For not telling the truth, for not telling him that he’s no longer enough for her. ‘What were you thinking? Cheating on me as we planned to get married. Were you planning to cheat on me for the rest of our lives?’ She didn’t answer, just cried.</p><p>Even then Chris eventually did forgive her. They made up, but they were never the same after that. Fear changed him.</p><p>“Do you remember Rachel?” Chris asked.</p><p>“Who didn’t?” Amy reminisced, though not in any humor.</p><p>Chris tends to show off his partner because he loves them and he’s proud of having them. The flip side of it is that everyone also knew whenever it crashes and burns.</p><p>“I loved her.”</p><p>“We all know that, too.”</p><p>“We get back together for a month after I found out.”</p><p>“<em>That</em>, I don’t know,” Amy straighten her back, sighing out smoke.</p><p>“Yeah, I wasn’t proud of our relationship after that, so I stopped bragging.”</p><p>“Why did you get back with her?” Amy asked, threading softly.</p><p>“We’ve been together for years, living together for two, and I’ve become her fp. Besides the cheating, I’ve known her like the back of my hand. What we had was comfortable. I reasoned the fuck out of my pain. That she’s human, she makes mistakes, and she apologized. I was afraid that I’d never find anyone else like her.” Chris lifts his hands, the glowing red licking close to the filter as he drags.</p><p>“But I can’t feel that she loves me after I had known the truth. We were staying for comfort, and I didn’t feel that anymore. When I come home to her, it doesn’t feel like home. It felt like I’m staying with a stranger. That was my breaking point. So I ended it.”</p><p>“That’s good, Chris. I’m glad you did.”</p><p>“I did too. I know breaking up with her was the right thing to do, but for a long time, I spent months thinking if I had made a mistake. I have to stop myself multiple times from texting her that I had changed my mind. I thought I had let go of my soulmate, the last good thing life ever throws at me. I was then proven wrong when I met Aaron.”</p><p>After that, Amy visibly sighs in relief. She must’ve been worried.</p><p>“I guess what I’m saying is, even though I shouldn’t stick my nose between their problem, if it feels right, I should just shove my fucking nose anyway.”</p><p>“I’m so glad that’s where you’re heading,” Amy pats his shoulder.</p><p>“Where do you think I was going?” Chris chuckled, that alone lighten his nerve. He puts up his feet and put out his cig and pocket the bud.</p><p>“That you’re breaking up with Aaron.”</p><p>“Fuck no. The only way I can break up with Aaron is if someone takes him from my cold dead hands.” Chris takes out his phone, tapping into Aaron’s chatbox.</p><p>To Aaron: Would you mind if I talk to Sean?</p><p>From Aaron: I don’t, but why would you?</p><p>To Aaron: Just feeling that I should. Am I being dumb?</p><p>From Aaron: No, you’ll be doing something I can’t.</p><p> </p><p>+++++</p><p> </p><p>It’s like a scene of a romantic comedy. The crowds part just in time for the two protagonists to find each other’s eyes. But no romantic feeling sparked when they look at each other. One is overly excited and one looks like he’s meeting that weird aunt that keeps asking personal questions at the thanksgiving table. That weird aunt, is Chris, waving shyly as he walks to the bar.</p><p>“If you’re here to lecture me...”</p><p>“I promise I’m not,” Chris assured, seating himself on one of the high chairs.</p><p>“Good, what can I get you?”</p><p>“Any special mocktails of the day?”</p><p>“You’re sober?”</p><p>“I tried to. I’m trying to stay off the hard stuff and stick to beers.”</p><p>Sean snorts, “Do you like citrus flavors?”</p><p>“Boy, do I!”</p><p>“Bitter?”</p><p>“I little bit, but not my fave.”</p><p>“Alright, want some grub to go along with it?”</p><p>“Uh... I don’t know, something easy for my stomach,” because today’s crime scene made him empty everything inside his bowls. To think he already desensitized to everything, some criminals do be creative, and sometimes they’re just ripping off from Hannibal.</p><p>“This week’s special is a chicken pot pie.”</p><p>“Ooh, yes please.”</p><p>Sean picks up a shaker, and does some martial arts with his hands as he takes some ice, pours from big bottles, and who knows what else. Before he knows it, a tall glass of the sunset colors from red, yellow, and blue slides towards him. Chris takes a sip while Sean is handling other customers.</p><p>Soon, another employee brings his pot pie.</p><p>“Are you coming by alone?” said the waitress, and Chris knows that tone anywhere.</p><p>“Yup.” But Chris doesn’t know how to brush her off without exposing Sean.</p><p>“Are you from around here?” Hoo, boy.</p><p>“I work a few blocks from here,” Chris says as he wrecks his brain for ways to let her down gently.</p><p>He can’t believe how rusty he is. He used to be a serial dater. Since he’s 18 till the messy break up with Rachel, he’s never been single for more than 2 months.</p><p>The years-long pause after Rachel dulls his skills. Yet with some dumb luck or a miracle, he still got Aaron anyway. Hopefully, another miracle strikes to bat away this unwanted attention.</p><p>“Cool! I’m new in town, I could use someone to show me around,” The waitress bats her eyelashes. Fudge! It’s escalating. It has not spike yet, but Chris knows where this is going and he has zero plan!</p><p>“Calm down Carrie, he’s not single,” Sean swoops in. Thank you big G, Chris prayed.</p><p>Carrie looks between Chris and Sean, stitching together misinformation, “Oopsie. Sorry boss, I didn’t know.”</p><p>“This is my <em>brother’s</em> boyfriend, Carrie, go to table 6,” Sean cleared with annoyance.</p><p>Carrie sneaks off with a snicker.</p><p>“Why can’t you defend yourself, man?”</p><p>Chris feels a bit guilty at the way Sean huffed, “I thought you don’t want people to know. I was looking for an excuse.”</p><p>Sean defeatedly sighs, rubbing his temple and combs back his hair while Chris is eating his pot pie watching Sean collect his thoughts.</p><p>“Look, it’s not that I have anything against you as a person,” Sean starts.</p><p>“You don’t?” Because Chris has no clue. He just thought they’re not clicking or something.</p><p>“Nah, you’re alright.”</p><p>“So it’s just cuz I’m a guy.”</p><p>Sean sighs again. Chris does tend to make people sigh, either out of adoration or because of his dumbassery.</p><p>“We can let it go, I told you I’m not here to lecture you,” Chris steps back, and immediately regrets it. He was supposed to talk, and letting it go is not helping his case.</p><p>“Then what are you here for?”</p><p>Chris opens his mouth before any words registered in his brain. He had something to say. Keyword: had.</p><p>“All I plan is come and see you, I didn’t really plan any conversation topics. But! It’s good to know you don’t have beef with me. I’d say that’s a win, and the food’s good.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Sean taps to the bar, still not leaving, and Chris waits as he eats.</p><p>Aside from investigating, kicking ass, and shooting a target from the distance, waiting is one of Chris’ superior skills. He’ll admit it to himself that he has the patience of a saint. His secret? Healthily expressing his emotions.</p><p>“You know you don’t need my approval of some sort, right?” Sean says after a long pause.</p><p>“No, I know. It’s not about that.”</p><p>“Then I don’t know why you’re so fixated just because I slightly disagree,” As soon as he said that Sean’s face express enlightenment then he got weirded out.</p><p>“I face many judgment today,” Chris sighed.</p><p>“My intention was never about making you two stop.” No, it does. It sounds like it at least. Good to know that’s not true. So far, going here with zero plan and zero confrontation works just fine for Chris’s behalf.</p><p>“Ya see, I didn’t know that, but even if you do, I don’t think I’ll ever break up with Aaron.”</p><p>“Again, might I remind you, you don’t need my approval.”</p><p>“I know! But topics about family fucks me up, man!” Chris admits, shoving the last bit of the pie’s pastry with the last drop of gravy-like substance to his mouth.</p><p>“How is that my problem?”</p><p>“It’s not yours, it’s mine.” Chris takes a sip of the drink. Both the food and drinks are yummy, together? A monstrosity. He needs to stop drinking when he still has bits of food in his mouth.</p><p>“So, you’re not here to lecture me, not here for approval. I take it that this is an interrogation, Detective Hamlyn?” Sean leans in, his face somber with the hereditary disappointed look.</p><p>“You wish. I’m not gonna work outside of my clock hours when I’m not getting paid.” Chris sips his mocktails down to the last bit. “When I’m not working, I prefer dealing with problems in my own way.”</p><p>“And that is?”</p><p>“Being honest about how I feel, deadass literally.” Chris straightened his back. “To be completely honest, I don’t understand you two. My parents skedaddle when my age hadn’t reached double digits, they didn’t even make me a sibling. I can’t imagine the two of you doing something so bad to let go of each other when you only have each other.”</p><p>Chris waits, sees how Sean reacts, then continues. “Look, I know you love each other. You wouldn’t have to express your opinion of our relationship if you’re not. That, I can respect. But I don’t like that you guys are distant again because of me. Did you not trust me? Are you afraid that I’ll hurt him?”</p><p>“It’s not about you. I didn’t trust <em>him</em>.” Sean’s confession takes Chris back. He didn’t expect that.</p><p>“You can rest easy about that. He treats me very well.”</p><p>Sean looks around him, then wipes his face, sighing deeply. “I used... I had that experience... with a man.” With his look alone, Chris knows. That guilty and uncomfortable tone of voice. The shifty look. The reddening of the neck. The gulp. He’s the bicurious type Haily warned him about.</p><p>“It was curiosity from my perspective and he doesn’t know that. I’m not going to torture you through the full story, but in the end, I hurt him, in ways I can’t fix him. You can guess where this relates to, don’t you?”</p><p>Oh... so that’s why. Chris had never experienced someone like Sean before, but Haily had. Still, this doesn’t mean Chris doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know Sean, doesn’t know his partner then, but miscommunication is a powerful ticking time bomb, especially with heartstrings as the wire.</p><p>“Curiosity is fine and all, and I’m not gonna say anything more about that.” Chris takes in a deep breath and the bubbling heat finally spilled on the edges. “But if it’s Aaron you didn’t trust then why were you telling <em>me</em> on what I can’t or can give him! That doesn’t make sense! Where the frick is the logic?” Don’t be alarmed, this is not an explosion, just a whine coming from the heart.</p><p>“Because I know I won’t get through Aaron!” Sean finally gets defensive, a pretty weak one too because Chris is fuming.</p><p>“That’s stupid! Not only were you rude, but you make me believe you! You make me believe that I was not enough for him!”</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Sean exclaimed. Thankfully, their squabbles are not enough to get the pub’s patron’s attention. The anger bubbling in his stomach slowly dissipates. Guess there’s a reason why ‘sorry’ is one of the magical words. “I was a dick, I get it. I just didn’t know what else to do. I see him and you, and I see a ticking time bomb. I’m very sorry.”</p><p>Chris exhales the weight that’s been hung on his chest. He couldn’t believe it’s this easy to solve a problem. Just by saying the truth. Admittedly, it doesn’t always work, but when it worked, it felt like a miracle every time.</p><p>“I’ll accept the apology only if you tell Aaron what you just told me,” Chris persuades, crossing fingers in the hope that it works.</p><p>Sean pressed his lips, pausing for a long time before finally nodding. “That’s fair.”</p><p>Chris smiles, satisfied and happy. “It’s not smooth, but it’s a good talk right?”</p><p>The guy only snorts but for the first time since they met, Sean smiles at him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Coolio, bruh.”</p><p>“And... you ruined it.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by Johnny Stimson's song "Hard to Say Goodbye"<br/>the song is very fitting to their situation I think! Honestly I want to put that song on credit bcs without this song, this fanfic won't have the next three chapters.....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>To Aaron: Just got back from work~</p>
<p>To Aaron: My body went through, dipped through, and splashed by many horrible concoctions, it’s been a gnarly day.</p>
<p>To Aaron: So glad I’m in my clean clothes rn.</p>
<p>To Aaron: You still at the office?</p>
<p>There, a perfect string of messages. All Chris has to do is wait. The clothes he wore drenched in sewer water and blood are in the plastic bag and will be burned tomorrow. He showered for thirty minutes, scrubbing all the grimes and icky feeling on his skin. Soaks inside the tub with bath salts, bath bomb, and bubble bar to evaporate the icky feeling on the inside.</p>
<p>Now he’s dressed in boxers and an old tee, or as he called it, his home uniform. He smells like the inside of a lush factory. For the next self-care treatment, he adds two tablespoons of pure cocoa, a few drops of milk, a teaspoon of honey, a quarter of a mashed banana, and slather that concoction to his face.</p>
<p>Now he smells like a desert. A yummy dessert that makes him hungry... for sugar. He thanks his past self for buying a pint of ben and jerry's. The pint was well-loved until it’s half gone because then, Chris only hates himself and the pint. When he was younger, he may digest this much ice cream without a problem. At his age, even if it doesn’t show, it’s going to have a toll on him tomorrow.</p>
<p>The TV is playing Adam Sandler’s movie. Staring down his half-finished pint, he feels his mask dripping. Before it could drop, he sweeps it with his fingers and put it in his mouth. Disgusting act, but delicious. He should make that in a drink form.</p>
<p>His phone buzzes. He hoped it’s Aaron. He hoped he’s home, or doing papers in the office, or retiring in a hotel room after a case. He hoped Aaron has time for him.</p>
<p>From Aaron: Currently having dinner with Sean.</p>
<p>To Aaron: Aww, have fun!</p>
<p>Chris washes his mask away and brushes his teeth. He takes Rosco from the closet and sleeps with the plushie in his arms.</p>
<p>Today hasn’t been a good day, but today will go away as long as he closes his eyes and sleep the day away.</p>
<p>His phone rings, and without a second thought, he picks it up. Too tired to see the ID.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Tell me anyway,” It’s Aaron’s voice.</p>
<p>Chris quickly sits up, seeing the Id again to make sure he’s not hallucinating. “Uh, tell you what?”</p>
<p>“Your gnarly day,” Aaron says again. Chris can pick up the faint sound of the wind, and cars driving by. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”</p>
<p>“No, I wasn’t asleep yet.”</p>
<p>“You can go back to bed if you’re tired.”</p>
<p>“No,” Chris quickly replied. “Just got back from dinner?”</p>
<p>“I was pulled away from dinner, by a case.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so you’re on the way to a case?”</p>
<p>“On my way to the airport.”</p>
<p>Chris hums, afraid that if he says a word, Aaron would know how disappointed he is. That is until he realized that Aaron is calling him right now.</p>
<p>“Why are you calling? You must be on a time restraint.”</p>
<p>“I have twenty minutes until I reach it. We won’t be briefing till I reach the jet. So, before I see gnarly pictures for a few days ahead, I want to know how’s your gnarly day.”</p>
<p>Chris left speechless and smiling like a fool. Aaron’s time is precious, every last squeeze of it has been for Chris. He shouldn’t waste the little time he has with Aaron goes down the dump because he’s speechless.</p>
<p>“If I only have you for 20 minutes before your radio silence for a few days, I want to spend the few minutes we have to hear about your dinner with Sean.”</p>
<p>“Nothing special about it. We talked, filled the gap of what happened between the years, and I told him more about you.”</p>
<p>Chris’s heart pumped up in interest, “About me? <em>More</em>?”</p>
<p>“Yes, like how we met for starters.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no. Not that dumpster fire!” Chris finds his giggles that soon dies down, leaving a smile residue. “I miss you.”</p>
<p>Aaron paused, perhaps thinking. Whatever he’s thinking, Chris wished Aaron is not feeling sorry for doing his job, again.</p>
<p>“I miss you too.”</p>
<p>And that, ladies, gents and non-binary friends, is what Chris called success.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you thinking?” Blake walks to his chair and sits across from him.</p>
<p>Looking out the window, it’s nothing but dark blue clouds. Not even a dot of light coming through the cotton rolls. He closes the open files in front of him as he faces the agent that’s sitting across from him.</p>
<p>“I’m thinking that I don’t see him enough for what he deserves.”</p>
<p>“Chris?” Hotch nods, and Blakes sighs, “I thought I knew that look. Boy, don’t I know the feeling.”</p>
<p>“How do you do it?” Hotch referring to Blake’s husband, the Doctor without borders.</p>
<p>“Skype, and lots of calls. Whenever we can.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I’m doing with Chris too, but it hasn’t been easy.”</p>
<p>“For Chris?”</p>
<p>“And me,” Hotch admits.</p>
<p>For the first time since the death of his family, he’s following the same familiar routines. Routine is a glorified name, it’s more like a habit. Every time he has free is given to Chris. Every minute in between flights. After he’s done with a case. After he’s home from the office. Weekends meeting each other. Holidays spent together. One thing he hasn’t done with him is a vacation, and to Hotch, that itself is a rarity.</p>
<p>“You’re holding out okay?” Blake asked.</p>
<p>“I’d say I do. Sometimes I do hope that I see him more. The one hour train ride from Quantico to DC feels too long sometimes.”</p>
<p>Blake smiles and nods emphatically, “I can imagine.”</p>
<p>Hotch reminisced the hour he waits after Chris texts that he’s on the train. The long hour he has to wait when he’s on it. He misses him now, even though he just hung up. He knows what Chris feels now.</p>
<p>Chris is more expressive than him, also more physically engaging. They’ll walk holding hands the whole way. They’ll sit shoulder to shoulder. Chris lay his head to his shoulder when they’re watching movies with hooking arms. When he wakes up, Chris would be curled up beside him. In the summer, Chris doesn’t touch him, just curling as close as he can. In the winter, Chris put his temple on Aaron’s shoulder, a sign that he had woke up and wanted to cuddle.</p>
<p>In the mornings, Aaron woke up first to cook them breakfast, and Chris would wrap his arms around his waist till breakfast is done.</p>
<p>He’s grown used to them. Grown to miss them. Grown to miss every excuse Chris has to touch him. Then Aaron’s work deprived him of that. Yet Chris is the one that’s been most patient despite his refute of being so.</p>
<p>“Does it ever get better?” Hotch asked his friend that only smiles for the sake of it.</p>
<p>“You get used to it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two weeks. Well, that’s a record.</p>
<p>Not even a call, just texts that came a week and a half after they hung up.</p>
<p>‘Still alive,’ He texted. Chris had never felt this remorseful for ever introducing humor to Aaron, not since he learned how dark Aaron’s taste of humor is.</p>
<p>He shoves his phone back to his pocket before jamming his hands into latex gloves.</p>
<p>“I don’t like this,” He whispered to himself. Lucky for him, a girl with big ears always hears whispers for a 3 block radius in case bitches be talkin’ shit.</p>
<p>“You’re not talking about the crime scene, are you?” Haily newly entered the scene, already in latex gloves. Her pastel pink t-shirt rolled by the elbows with a pencil fit black jeans. Her batch and gun by her hip and her long blond hair tied into a high ponytail.  “Is it Aaron?”</p>
<p>Chris gives her that bitch-you-know-it look. “You know I’ve been carefree since 1993. Who else can make sigh like this?”</p>
<p>They both wait by the sidewalk as the CSI team marks the crime scene. It’s close to clocking out but it fell on Chris’s shift. Now they found themselves by the sidewalk of an alley. A few minutes ago, two bodies were carried out of here and Chris had questioned and ID the witness that called 911.</p>
<p>“I’m surprised you’re not bombing him with texts,” Haily said.</p>
<p>“I know better now.”</p>
<p>CSI gave them a go, and they go to work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hotch doesn’t let anyone touch him unless the paramedics have taken care of Morgan and JJ. His ears still ring from the explosion. His body is shaking after being flung by the shockwave tossing across the street. Thankfully, they’ve gotten out all the hostage and Morgan was able to knock the unsub out cold and carry her out. Behind them, the opera hall is still burning. The fire among the blackout city resemblance of the sun in space, just as the unsub had wanted.</p>
<p>JJ is out cold, and Morgan is shot on one shoulder. Hotch has a shard of glass puncturing his abdomen. He doesn’t know how deep it’s in him, but he’s pressing it in place to slow the bleeding.</p>
<p>The sound of the ambulance, the police sirens, the firefighters, the people outside the police line, the screams, and commands fall to his dull hearing. The graze on his stomach reminds him of something he had wanted to forget, yet clung to. His teammates are fine now, the medics have them.</p>
<p>Next thing he knows, his trembling hand was able to get his phone is on dial, pressing it against his ear.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank the big G in the sky you called. I miss you! Where are you?” Chris answered, and Aaron can hear the smile from him. It’s so good to hear that voice back.</p>
<p>“I... miss you too.” He’s running out of strength, running out of breath. He’s not sure that he’s even speaking.</p>
<p>Chris paused before saying, “Are you... are you still on a case?”</p>
<p>“No... it’s done.”</p>
<p>“But are you still at the crime scene?”</p>
<p>“Yes...”</p>
<p>Chris paused again, and Hotch knows the detective is putting the pieces together. Hotch shouldn’t have called, but he wants too. He needs to.</p>
<p>“Aaron... Have a medic treated you?”</p>
<p>“No, they’re with Morgan and JJ... they got it worse than me. It’s just a deep graze.”</p>
<p>“Worse? You better not be downplaying what you have,” Chris reprimands.</p>
<p>Aaron considered lying, then cursed at himself for considering it. He promised Chris one thing, never lie no matter how bad it is.</p>
<p>“I got it under control, I’m pressing it down to slow the bleeding.”</p>
<p>It’s odd when Aaron can barely hear his surrounding, but he can hear Chris rustling on his bed and his uneven breathing at the other end.</p>
<p>“I swear to god Aaron Hotchner if a medic is not with you right now I will personally fly to Scranton and drag you to a hospital.”</p>
<p>“I would like that...”</p>
<p>“What? Me dragging you by the hair so you’ll be <em>alive</em>?” Every word Chris drops drenched in sarcasm and worry. The sarcasm, Aaron can handle, but he regrets calling knowing he made Chris worry. But he needs this, and he knows, even in worry, Chris prefers this too.</p>
<p>“You flying to me.” Aaron looks at his teammates again. JJ is long gone carried by the first ambulance. Morgan just now meet eyes with him and screaming for one of the medics while pointing at him.</p>
<p>“I... I want to see you,” Aaron breathed out before the medic took his phone.</p>
<p>Before they do, he hears Chris says, “I do too... that’s why you need to get someone to help you. So... so you can come back to me.”</p>
<p>-.-.-.-.-.-</p>
<p>And that’s the last thing Aaron hears from Chris before he’s dragged by medics. His body laid to the concrete floor. Men in white uniforms hover over him and shine flashlights to his eyes.</p>
<p>When the light goes out, he’s in a hospital bed. Rossi is sitting on the chair at the corner of the room, seems to be calling with an insufferable mother-in-law.</p>
<p>“He’s up,” Rossi says to the phone as he walks to his bed. “Some injury you got there. You know how incredibly lucky you are?”</p>
<p>“Am I?” Aaron croaks, feeling a bit woozy still.</p>
<p>“You got stabbed by a glass shard. It’s a deep enough to cut you open, but none is hitting any vitals.”</p>
<p>Aaron doesn’t think he’s lucky, doesn’t think he’s unlucky either. Just another day, another wound.</p>
<p>“JJ? Morgan?”</p>
<p>“Morgan got patched up, JJ was up 3 hours after she brought in. They’re with the rest of the team, tidying up at the precinct.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“Now that that’s out of the way, someone else wants to talk to you.” Aaron nods as he received Rossi’s phone. Rossi was out of the room as soon as Aaron put the phone on his ear.</p>
<p>“A graze my ass,” Chris spits out. Aaron’s laugh is cut short by the painful pinch on his brand new stitches.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” Aaron sighed out, there’s a mysterious sense of relieve from hearing Chris’ voice in his usual manner.</p>
<p>“Good morning, sweet pea.” Aaron had never heard of the tone before. The guilt takes sprout, the only thing that keeps them from growing to a tree was Chris’s words. ‘Never feel sorry for doing your job.’ But Aaron still does, he can’t help that.</p>
<p>Aaron can hear clinking on the other line.</p>
<p>“Are you making breakfast?”</p>
<p>“Why would you think that?”</p>
<p>“I hear clinking.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no, that’s my nails tapping against the bathroom tiles...” Aaron narrowed his eyes, but before he can ask about it, Chris says, “When can you leave the hospital?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Aaron hears a loud clang and an offended gasp. “You had a palm-sized glass shard slicing a piece of your sexy abs! Why are you running out and about already??” Chris huffed, a nag similar to his mother’s. He can’t believe he missed the nagging. No, that’s not the only thing he misses.</p>
<p>He misses everything about Chris. Misses his voice. Misses his quick quip humor. Misses him trying to get Aaron to wear moisturizer. Misses his hand on his face as he’s doing so. Misses him trying to get him to a weird exercise class. Aaron misses kissing him. Misses his smile. Misses his hand that instantly holds his whenever they’re outside. Misses Chris’s arms that always wraps around his hips whenever they’re alone. Misses his forehead against his shoulder when he wakes up.</p>
<p>“I don’t care. I just want to go home and see you.” Perhaps he’s still under anesthesia, or the lethargic feeling loosens his tongue, the confession is said with unfiltered honesty.</p>
<p>“Gosh, you’re making me cry. You’re like an orange squeezer but for my eyes. You’re my eyes tear squeezer. It’s like that happy tree friends lemonade episode but less morbid and more wholesome. Not like you slice my eyes and squeeze it or something, but you like, made my eyes give up their juices... I’m getting too far, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>Aaron misses that too.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Chris doesn’t want to hang up, but he needs to let Aaron rest, and he feels bad for taking up Rossi’s phone.</p>
<p>Even after counting that dramatic romantic call after the explosion, it still totals to three and a half weeks of radio silence from Aaron. Though to be fair, there’s still texts, but they’re like roll call more than conversations. Chris can’t get used to the lack of communication anymore, this one is taking a toll.</p>
<p>Imagine not hearing from your boyfriend for almost a month other than a string of texts like, ‘I’m okay,’ ‘Good, ate yet?’ “Thanks for reminding me.’ ‘Are you all good?’ ‘I am, sorry,’ ‘It’s cool. Just checking.’</p>
<p>The lack of communication is not killing him, but it’s definitely chocking him and there’s no safeword for Chris to make the feeling stop. It’s one of those things that can’t be helped and you’d just have to pull through, but Chris is slipping through the ropes. If Chris had not begged Garcia for Rossi’s number and then calls Rossi to beg him for letting him talk to Aaron, he would have to fly himself to the hospital with the power of sheer anxiety alone.</p>
<p>Chris is in no illusion that he’s suffering alone. He knew Aaron misses him as much as he does. The call with the fire crackling, people screaming, and sirens blaring as the bgm was a sign that Aaron was hitting the peak of missing him. The man even dared to call him first before treating his torso from splitting in two.</p>
<p>He wonders if Aaron knows that Chris cried out after telling him to come back to him. The rustling and medic talking in frantic cuts their call short.</p>
<p>Things like that, Chris had prepared himself for it, but man was he not prepared emotionally. After the call, it felt like he was numb. He couldn’t eat, not feeling like himself. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t feel anything because it feels useless to worry.</p>
<p>Only after he called Rossi and talked to Aaron that his protective numbness crumbles.</p>
<p>“I don’t like this.” Chris slams his phone next to the keyboard.</p>
<p>“Deja vu, I have heard of this tone before.” Haily leans to the side, away from the monitors and the stacks of documents that separate them. “Aaron,” she recites.</p>
<p>“Thrown by an explosion, stabbed by an angry window! He’s supposed to be on bed rest but he’s flying home tomorrow!”</p>
<p>Then Haily rolls her eyes to his dismay. How could she! “The shard wasn’t deep enough to reach his vitals. His stitch is a palm wide,” she says mechanically. “Repeating your angsty sermon from 2 hours ago is not gonna make him heal faster.”</p>
<p>Chris just huffed, swallowing one of his defeats since he can’t prove Haily wrong.</p>
<p>“What didn’t you like this time?”</p>
<p>Chris put his fingers to stop and slump against his chair. The thought had been begging in his head to be voiced out. Chris pours his heart out constantly by talking, it’s how he vents, how he calms down, and sometimes, how he solves a problem. When there’s no one to hear him, he’ll tell them to his pillows. Now he has a giant cat to make talking about his problem to inanimate objects easier.</p>
<p>But even Rosco hadn’t heard this worry.</p>
<p>“I’m not getting used to it,” Chris mumbled.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I said I’m not getting used to it!” Chris whined. “I thought I will, I thought I’ll wait and I’ll get it and I’ll get used to it but I’m not! His job scares me! And-”</p>
<p>“Chris, roof,” Haily quickly quipped and she’s out the roof door quick. Chris looks around and noticed that his whining gains a little attention then follows suit.</p>
<p>Chilly spring air made his skin tingles. He was hit by the usual smell of smog and greasy food from the stalls around the corner. Haily is waiting by the railing, folding her skinny toned arms. Her blond hairs are let down in soft curls. Manicured nails painted satan red. Hot pink lips quirked in a worried frown.</p>
<p>“Okay, you can freak out now,” she said.</p>
<p>“As I was saying. His job scares me! And I thought I’ll get used to the thought that he... but...” Chris bits his lips, hands on his elbows. “I told him I’d understand and all that jazz... now look at me, shaking in my boots. I still meant it, but not knowing anything while he could’ve... He could be...” Chris takes in a deep breath and lets out a shaky one.</p>
<p>“I know Chris, but he’s fine now, he’s safe,” Haily goes over beside him and pats him on the back. Why does this feel familiar?</p>
<p>The roof, him having a mental breakdown, and a woman soothing him.</p>
<p>“He’s safe for now, but I never know. We never know. And I never have the intention of bailing on him, but it does feel like I can only have him for a few years more. Knowing that, I want to spend the days I have with him to the fullest, but even that I can’t have,” Chris finished.</p>
<p>Haily puts her hands on each of his shoulders. Her icy blue eyes only served this serious stare on rare occasions. “Is this a Rachel situation?”</p>
<p>“No, it doesn’t get that bad. I still feel safe with him.”</p>
<p>“Is this relationship not fulfilling for you?”</p>
<p>“It’s not about that either,” Chris answered right away, kind of feel awkward at what Haily is implying. “This isn’t about me! It’s about Aaron and how he’s too fucking selfless that I constantly fear for his life!”</p>
<p>Haily fell quiet, nodding with pressed lips. “I’ve crossed all my boxes, so, this is purely freaking out?”</p>
<p>“Yup. This is just a hundred percent, cold-pressed, organic, pure, unfiltered, no added additives, mental breakdown. He barely fucking made it Haily,” Chris spat, his face ping-pongs between being in tears and panic. “His stomach cuts open and the last time I got mine open I need to be on bed rest for 3 days <em>minimum</em>, but he’s flying tomorrow fucking night! What the fuck is he made of?” Chris goes on circles like a rabid dog.</p>
<p>“That’s your man Chris, not mine, <em>why</em> is he like that?” Haily asked more casually and less alarmed now that Chris is only having a regular crisis rather than a monumental Rachel-class one.</p>
<p>“Because... he said he wants to fucking go home,” Chris sobs this time, having burnt off his frustration. “Fuck...” Chris huffed.</p>
<p>Palms pressed against his eyes, he felt them burn. Taking a sharp inhale, Chris knocks his head back and swallow back the tears threatening to come out. Don’t think Chris is below crying in front of anyone, especially his best friend. Heaven knows Haily had seen the most of his vulnerability throughout his life. She was his neighbor when Matty takes him in. She’s been around longer than Matty did.</p>
<p>Chris doesn’t want to cry because he doesn’t want to cry over this, his decision.</p>
<p>Both of them didn’t say anything. The only one whining is the police sirens far away and the hum of cars passing by. Chris takes a few seconds to breathe in. His hand instinctually reaches for his phone, suddenly filled with the urge to call him. The only thing keeping him from that is Aaron being asleep.</p>
<p>Chris breathed in, “Haily, I’m so whipped.”</p>
<p>“Ya think?” Haily sighed resignedly.</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em> I’m going to lose him to one of his cases. He’s proud of his work, he’s made for it, and I’m proud of him for doing what he’s meant to do. I told him that I don’t need to come before his job, just an equal standing at least. I told him that I’d wait for my turn. But I’m scared that... I fear when I wait, I don't know if it would be the time when he won’t come back.”</p>
<p>“Chris...” Haily goes over, arms around Chris’s hunched shoulder. Her head only reaches his chest, but Chris feels so small in her arms. “You won’t know that... maybe he’ll retire before that.”</p>
<p>Chris scoffed but said nothing anyway. Chris knows Aaron won’t retire as long as he can still breathe. He untangles his arms from himself and put them on Haily’s back.</p>
<p>“Would you tell all of this to Aaron?”</p>
<p>“No...” or so he said, but he bet he won’t be able to hold it in once he sees Aaron tomorrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn’t expect Chris when he walked out of the building. He was last to walk out not by choice. Every step puts pressure on his 24-hour old stitches. It hurts, but he already popped the painkiller pill of the day, and he’s not supposed to have another one. His team knows he’s alright, the pain he feels is only pain, nothing indicating inability or anomaly. Yet Chris is here, and right away saying :</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna let you drive back to your place when you’re in a state of mitosis,” like an unshakable statement, but he knows that’s not entirely why Chris is here.</p>
<p>His intention comes clear when Chris opens his arms, with tearful eyes without a smile. Chris looks so wrought that it sweeps all the relief back under the rug. Chris always does a full-body hug, but he opted for framing his face and pressing their temples together. Even then, Chris does it gently, blatantly mindful of his wound.</p>
<p>The hands on Aaron’s face are shaking. Chris closed his eyes yet a tear escaped anyway. Aaron knows the toll Chris felt whenever he’s focused on the job, but he brushed it under when he’s on the clock. Now he’s faced with it, and a pair of trembling hands made him stay put as his heart breaks.</p>
<p>Chris gave him mercy after ten long seconds. He lets go and takes a full step back, wiping his face in a swift sweep and offer a chuckle hiding his awkwardness.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I...” Chris trailed, looking down at his shoes. The months they’re together –despite not always able to get together – Aaron learned that whenever Chris hesitate to say what he wants, he looks away to brace himself. “Let’s get you to the car first.”</p>
<p>Aaron tried not to show it, but getting into the car hurts more than he had predicted. He had brushed against a lot of danger, but it’s not like he gets stabbed every weekend to know it’ll hurt like this. Somehow, Chris is more sensible towards his body than himself. That’s... saying something.</p>
<p>They’ve been driving for a few minutes when Chris started:</p>
<p>“It’s been a month.”</p>
<p>“I know.” <em>I’m sorry</em>, left unsaid. Chris knows that, that’s why he hesitates to say it, not wanting for Aaron to feel sorry.</p>
<p>“I know you texted me, but...”</p>
<p>“It’s not enough.” <em>I’m sorry.</em></p>
<p>“I didn’t hear from you for so long... and when I do... there’s an explosion, and-” Chris’s breathe catches. Aaron can replay the way Chris says ‘comeback to me’ desperately over the phone when he called. “I thought that was it.”</p>
<p>“What was?” Again, he can’t predict where Chris is heading.</p>
<p>“The time where I’ll wait for you forever.” Upon hearing himself, Chris covered his sincerity with an awkward chuckle, but Aaron knows Chris is not finished. Aaron dreaded for this day where Chris’ patience runs out.</p>
<p>Aaron wanted to say something to his defense, but he can’t. This is not his turn to speak, and he has no defense. What he had done was done without regret.</p>
<p>“Please promise me, when you can’t contact me, at least take care of yourself. Don’t just mindlessly put yourself after everyone. Don’t push yourself unnecessarily. Stop punishing yourself,” Chris ended with a huffed of frustration, and he breathes in, fidgety as he squeezed the steering wheel, glittery eyes on the road.</p>
<p>Aaron was bracing for more. For anger, disappointment, and a few days asking for space. Not this.</p>
<p>Aaron expected demands, a fit, tears, everything he had known Chris would demand, but he didn’t. He suspects it’s not because the demands don’t exist, but Chris doesn’t demand it because he knows Aaron can’t meet it. The tears no longer pool Chris’s eyes. Those blues had never looked sharper.</p>
<p>“Can you promise me that?” Chris reminded, glancing his way and Aaron snapped from his haze. His mind hasn’t been sharp since he came out of the hospital.</p>
<p>“Yes. Yes, I can.”</p>
<p>Just like that, he can see Chris’ tension melts away, and the same adoring smile returns. Aaron laid back and just watched him drive, immersed in wonder. He thought he screw up another time, and he did, but he can’t believe Chris just lets him go like that. He had prepared for a repercussion in any shape.</p>
<p>There’s a relief, but then there’s guilt. He doesn’t deserve this forgiveness. He’s glad Chris is driving because he suddenly feels sleepy, and his eyelids grow heavy. Before he falls asleep, he hears Chris look at him and say in a creaking voice.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you come back to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wakes up to the noise of talking in the other room. It sounds like a mumble at first, but he comes to realize the voice in every waking second. It has to be noon. The rest of the team must’ve been in the office by now, except for him and Morgan. JJ had expressed that he’s still functional enough to come to work. Sleeping in is the only good thing about bed rest leave, but Aaron felt the twinge of pain when he thinks of the paperwork waiting for him in two days.</p>
<p>He doesn’t remember walking to his bed after he falls asleep in the car. He doesn’t want to believe it, but how else would Chris take him to bed other than carrying him? The thought was so engaging that Aaron is now wide awake and aware of the sharp pain on his abdomen and the conversation Chris is having.</p>
<p>“Sure!... Pssh, you’re thinking way ahead of yourself... No, you!” Chris comes to the view of the open door. Chris’s wearing one of Aaron’s dozens of white t-shirts and one of the dozens variant of his plaid pants.</p>
<p>Chris immediately notices that he’s awake and waved cheerfully. “He’s awake, do you want to talk to him? Aaron, do you want to ta-” Chris is to cut by a series of loud repetitive words. “No! Don’t hang up, he’s right here! Well, you can but what’s wrong with— and he’s gone.” Chris throws his phone to the bed as he slides to sit beside Aaron.</p>
<p>“Who was it?”</p>
<p>“Sean, he said he’ll visit tonight.” Chris leans down and gave him a peck on the lips, “Mwah! good morning, pancake,” and Chris leans down for a longer deeper kiss and finishing with another peck on his temple. “Food?”</p>
<p>“I’m not hungry.”</p>
<p>“Oh, sweet cheeks, it was a rhetorical question. Morgan said you ate a protein bar for dinner yesterday, which is shame on you.” Chris bounce up and disappear behind the door.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, he returns with what smelled and look like a chicken pot pie.</p>
<p>Aaron doesn’t remember having a bed tray when Chris unfold them. He also doesn’t remember that he has the ingredients for chicken pot pie or even an orange juice, but Chris presents them anyway.</p>
<p>“The chicken pot pie is Sean’s recipe, it’s great. Dig in.” Chris looks down at the food, then to Aaron who’s still somewhat baffled, “Want me to spoon feed you?”</p>
<p>Aaron quickly sits up with Chris’ help and lay back to the headboard while he grabs the spoon, breaking the pastry enclosing the bowl and let the steam inside seeps out.</p>
<p>“Did you carry me up to my apartment?” Aaron asked as he spoons a piece of pastry and chicken.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I can’t get all the credit. I did call Sean to help me. He opens the doors, the elevator, and carry your things while I carry you. You know... You’re not as heavy as you look... which is worrying....”</p>
<p>“Or maybe you’re just tougher than you look,” Aaron earned a smile from Chris with that one.</p>
<p>Chris puts his elbows on the desk and face on his palm. “How’s the pie?”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“Great, I got you orange juice by impulse, but I bought apple too, or do you want some coffee instead? I’ll get you some coffee.”</p>
<p>“Chris.” Aaron grabs his wrist before Chris can bounce back to the kitchen. “Orange juice is fine, please sit with me.”</p>
<p>Chris immediatly sits back and the excess energy calms down... a bit. “Okay... Uh, are you in pain? Do you need a painkiller? Want some water?” Water would be great, but he wanted to talk first.</p>
<p>“I’m perfectly comfortable, Chris.” There’s a smile on his face despite the pain and discomfort he feels.</p>
<p>He’s tucked under the warm blanket. Homemade meals as soon as he wakes up and Chris is here as soon as he opened his eyes. He’s being taken care of despite him saying that it’s fine. Why did he do that when in all honestly, he wants to be taken care of like this. He smiled to himself as he spoons himself more pie.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you late for work?” Aaron asked.</p>
<p>“I took a leave for two days.” Which is exactly how much Aaron’s leave is. Aaron knows Garcia must’ve told Chris about that.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have...” Aaron trails away after seeing Chris’ giving him a look</p>
<p>“I can have my leave easier than you, I don’t have to get punctured and all that. So enjoy me while you can,” Chris reaches his face, rubbing his cheekbones before leaning in and kiss him again. Before Chris can lean away, Aaron holds onto his shoulder to put them in the closeness.</p>
<p>“I know you don’t like me saying it, but I’m sorry,” Aaron finally said after keeping it in for days. The look on Chris’s face doesn’t help him to know whether this is a mistake or not. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness just like that.”</p>
<p>“Forgiveness?” Chris chuckled, “I’m not mad though, what are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“I’m talking about the whole month I barely contacted you. Then you forgive me right away yesterday.” Aaron can’t believe what he’s about to say. “You should’ve been angrier, I didn’t deserve to have your forgiveness this easily. I shouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“Oh, but I was never mad at you... Yesterday, I... it’s embarrassing...” Chris leans away, “I’m just worried out of my mind, Aaron. I’ve prepared myself for the lack of contact, but I’m not ready for you to... to <em>leave</em> when I can’t be there with you. You tend to push yourself too much, working too hard, putting everyone before you. I know why you did it. I <em>understand</em> why you did it, but my heart cant and don't want to understand.” After the confession, Chris looks down to his lap like he just said something he shouldn’t.</p>
<p>The words like spears that tear him apart and a slap to wake him up at the same time. Since the first day he met him until today, Aaron was weighed down with guilt that he couldn’t give Chris what he deserved. Time, love, attention, and giving all of them at the same amount Chris gave him.</p>
<p>Aaron doesn’t let himself forget his failures with Jack and Haley. He does it by not forgiving himself and putting his job above his health and means. The job had cost him his family, and to not let them die in vain, he had done everything to not let what happened to him happen to anyone else. It’s a shame that it took him this long to realize that it could’ve cost Chris too.</p>
<p> “You’re right, the least I can do for you is to take care of myself more,” Aaron said, “I promised,” and it was enough to make Chris look up to him and smile.</p>
<p>“That’s all I wanted.”</p>
<p>And that’s all, yet the one unsatisfied is Aaron. He feels there is an imbalance in their give and take, and Aaron can’t help feeling that he has abundance while not giving enough.</p>
<p>“You deserve more. More than this. More than I can give you.”</p>
<p>Chris’ jaw hits the floor, a hand clenched to his chest. “I...” Chris takes in a shaky breath and it sent alarms for Aaron. “I don’t want more than you can give. I just want you here.”</p>
<p>Like flipping the tap, suddenly, Chris’ eyes are filled with tears. Aaron doesn’t know why or how Chris did it, but he knew he’s the cause and be his own cleanup crew and wipe his tears.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking?”</p>
<p>“I’m thinking that you’re stalling cuz you don’t want to eat.”</p>
<p>“Chris...” Aaron adoringly reprimands, glad to have Chris back.</p>
<p>“I know you tried your hardest to give me your time, and I’m happy with it. I swear. This is enough, you don’t have to spread yourself any thinner.” Chris frames his face and squeezes his cheeks. Aaron puts his hands, on top of Chris’s.</p>
<p>The smell of food, the comfortable heat, these hands-on his face. Chris’s touch, his giggles and chuckles, his cooking, and his presence here. It made all the pain worth it.</p>
<p> “Come here,” Aaron whispered, and Chris wraps his arms around his shoulder, still careful of his stitches.</p>
<p>With Chris in his arms, Aaron wished he never had to let go.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>“Are you sure??” Chris says for the seventh time tonight.</p>
<p>“I am... It doesn’t hurt as much anymore, and I promise I won’t do anything to aggravate the stitches.” Aaron can feel Chris’s eyes on him the entire time he’s dressing, not with usual flirtatious look, but with worry. “I get back to work tomorrow anyway,” Aaron reasoned, hoping it’ll ease Chris about going along to DC.</p>
<p>“It’s not an important party. Even calling it a party is overstating it. They’re just there to celebrate a stupid win from a soccer game with the fire department.” Chris huffed as he rolled around Aaron’s bed.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind... I’ll be there to say hi to Sean too. I thought you’ll be excited for me to meet your friends.”</p>
<p>“I do! But I’ll be more excited to have you intact and not split into two,” Chris cried theatrically. His body draped over the bed, hand on his temple like a maiden in the slightest distress.</p>
<p>“It’s not as bad as you all made it. I had 9 stab wounds and all the rest I need was also three days.” Aaron covered his white shirt and blue jeans with a brown leather jacket Chris gives him for his birthday. His face looks better despite the days of sleepless nights when he was working on the case. He had Chris and his insistent ‘spa day’ to thank for that.</p>
<p>“Weird flex but okay.” Chris bounce up from the bed and hugs his arm. “Please be careful on the way back... I still feel like you should’ve stayed on bed rest more. Your stitches could’ve popped on the way.”</p>
<p>“It won’t,” Aaron calmed, for the 7<sup>th</sup> time tonight. “It wasn’t that-”</p>
<p>“It almost tears up your liver.”</p>
<p>“It didn’t reach my liver, thankfully, but it was wide and shallow on other parts... I’m okay now, you nurse me back to health.” Aaron kisses the side of his head. “Thank you, for that.”</p>
<p>“You’re lucky I only like one of you. If I didn’t, I would’ve let you mitosis.”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, very lucky.” Very lucky indeed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ever since Chris introduced his team to Sean’s pub, they stopped bar hopping and goes straight to Sean’s every time they have group outings. Sean’s pub has the homemade hearty meal that Captain Holt and Terry loves, but also has the fast-food Scully and Hitchcock loves. It serves beers, mocktails, and cocktails for Amy and Rosa to enjoy. They have a dance floor for him, Gina and Haily. They also have darts and pools that all of the team enjoy (because they enjoy an unhealthy competition over anything). A pub that has everything for the team.</p>
<p>They already gathered and celebrated with their glasses half empty when Chris arrived with Aaron. He can see their predatory eyes on his bae as they walk in. This is the first time they see Aaron in the flesh after Chris hype about him for months. Now that they see the real thing, he is tremendously nervous... for Aaron, because his team do be crazy.</p>
<p>Jake is the one that approaches first. Oh, the smile alone is creepy. Jake had wanted to befriend him ever since he told Jake that Aaron worked for the FBI.</p>
<p>“Oh no! He’s even hotter up close!” Jake, out of nowhere, exclaimed. Poor Aaron was so stunned by that first reaction that he’s eyeing Chris in question. Which he can do nothing but shrug apologetically because it is only the beginning.</p>
<p>Jake’s face is clawed with satan red nails and he’s pushed to the side to reveal Haily. She’s wearing her satan red t-shirt, and black trousers. Her lips are her signature bright pink and eyeliners sharp enough to cut you. This is it. The best friend stamp of approval is in motion.</p>
<p>She has her hands on her hips, with icy blue eyes looking at Aaron from top to bottom. Again, poor Aaron just stood there speechless at her sudden appearance.</p>
<p>“You must be Haily,” Aaron started, thrusting his hand.</p>
<p>“And you, Aaron Hotchner.” She shakes his hand. “I thought you’re supposed to be on bed rest. Chris told me you were cut in half.”</p>
<p>“Well, Chris put me back together. I’m here to accompany him back home, and say hi to his friends.”</p>
<p>“Hm... You know how many times you made Chris cry?” Oh shit.</p>
<p>“I... don’t-”</p>
<p>“Twice a month, which is the least so far!” Haily smiled and extend her arms. “Congrats! I won’t have to kill you,” she exclaimed as she hugs the confused Aaron. “It’s still up for consideration though, so I’m keeping my eyes on you,” she said as she points to her eyes, then to them.</p>
<p>“Hey, that’s not fair! I didn’t keep an eye on your husband!” Chris complained.</p>
<p>“Of course I’m kidding, duh,” Haily made a grandiose of rolling her eyes. “But in all honesty, you did take good care of Chris. And he’s been happy since yall start dating, But if that change, imma cut you.”</p>
<p>Aaron jolts at the sudden change of tone, smiling politely even though Haily is smirking evilly as she ping pong her fingers from her eyes to Aaron.</p>
<p>“How’s that for first impression?” Chris asks as they’re walking towards the bar.</p>
<p>Aaron just smiled calmly, “Nothing I’m not expecting. They’re definitely your crowd.”</p>
<p>“What? Crackasses and weirdos?”</p>
<p>“Colorful and expressive,” Aaron corrected.</p>
<p>“Hi!” Terry towers over both of them, but then again, the guy towers over all of them. Terry is a tall beefcake with the most domesticated heart soul, and lifestyle, all except for his bodybuilder body. His teeth stark white against his dark skin and he puts out his hand. “Name’s Terry, this is our Captain Holt.”</p>
<p>“Greetings,” Captain Holt walks in with a wine glass in hand. Together, they’re what Jake called, the precinct's dads (and to Jake, Chris is the eccentric uncle). They’re the more responsible people in the precinct, and the ones that will scar Aaron the least.</p>
<p>“They were not in the precinct when your team came to help,” Chris explained.</p>
<p>“Aaron Hotchner, Chris had told me a lot about you.” Aaron reaches out to shake Terry’s hand that’s soon swatted out of the way and shook a girl’s hand instead.</p>
<p>Amy grins the biggest Chris had ever seen on her. As soon as she takes in a deep breath, Chris braces himself.</p>
<p>“Hello, SSA Aaron Hotchner, sir. My name is Amy Santiago and let me just say that I am such a fan of your team and the cases your team had solved over the years. It’s always been my dream to talk with someone from your BAU team. The concept of psychology has always intrigued me and I’ve read your cases and I’m scrapbooking every good point from them. And I have a few theories and questions for you if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Whoa whoa whoa whoa hold up!” Chris stands between them, “Take a deep breath, Amy.”</p>
<p>She doesn’t take a deep breath but looked annoyed instead.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me you have Aaron’s picture on your scrapbook.”</p>
<p>Amy looks like fish out of the water as her face goes red. “I-I-I well I have all of the team’s faces. I need them for reference!”</p>
<p>“NO, you don’t!” Jake interfered, “She only prints the hot ones!”</p>
<p>“What?” Amy shrieks in panic, “Since when are you interested in my ‘thick boring clumps of papers’.”</p>
<p>“It’s not my fault that my eyes are attracted to pretty things!”</p>
<p>Chris pulls the bewildered Aaron away from that, “Would you believe they’re actually married?”</p>
<p>“I do actually,” Aaron teased and Chris just rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a wild new character appears. Gina! She’s using indifference, it’s not effective. She just stood there in front of them, assessing Aaron from head to toe.</p>
<p>“I don’t get it,” She said and pushes the back of her hand to Aaron’s face. Then like it’s natural, Aaron shook her hand like a pretentious lady. It’s both eerie and endearing how quickly Aaron is accustomed to his crew’s antics.</p>
<p>“Aaron Hotchner.”</p>
<p>“Gina Linetti, Chris’ second in command and the beauty of the precinct.”</p>
<p>“You’re not my-”</p>
<p>“A-hush hush, darling Chris.” Gina thrusts her other hand towards his mouth. Gina looks at Aaron once more, then retracts both her arms. “You aight, not as aight as your brother though.” Then, as soon as she arrived, she was gone. Only after seeing her walk to the bar, did he realized that she’s been in that same corner, flirting with Sean. Poor Hotchners.</p>
<p>“Do you think Sean is gonna be fine?” Chris asked apologetically. Aaron looks on as Sean tends to her wishes with wry smiles as Gina puts her nose to the sky while leaning onto him.</p>
<p>“He... I hope so,” Aaron chuckled.</p>
<p>“Rosa-”</p>
<p>“AAAH!” Chris jolts as Rosa materialized. There’s a lot of people here just materializing out of nowhere, then introducing themselves.</p>
<p>“...Diaz.” Rosa completed and nod. “I’ve known Chris since my first time in the precinct. Anything happens to him, I’m gonna cut you.”</p>
<p>“Wohoho, relax Woman Machete,” Jake walks in with a beer in hand. “Jake Peralta.”</p>
<p>“Aaron Hotchner.” They shake hands.</p>
<p>“So... you’re jumping out of explosions huh? That’s cool... That’s in my bucket list too, right after dodging bullets like in the Matrix. So jealous! Tell me everything!”</p>
<p>Aaron chuckled at Jake’s confession, and Chris thinks it’s because he’s mortified.</p>
<p>“Okay! If yall had your fun with my boyfriend,” Chris pulls Aaron’s hand, in an attempt to rescue him. “I need to-”</p>
<p>“Chris!” Gina tugs his arms and pulls him away from Aaron. “Be my back up dancer, I need to impress Sean with my seductive moves!”</p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Aaron said as he’s being approached by Amy, whose eyes are so wide like he just locked target on Aaron.</p>
<p>Chris just hope Aaron survives by the end of the night.</p>
<p>Gina moves, and boy is she giving it her all. She’d occasionally glance towards the bar as she’s shaking he booty while Chris is emphasizing her booty with hand gestures. It’s the exact replica of that Will Smith meme but without class, humor, or even a shred of humanity. Sometimes Sean will meet her eyes with a terrified look. Sometimes a patron saved him from the obscene way Gina is moving. Chris is enjoying the music with a beer in hand, while checking on Aaron occasionally.</p>
<p>Amy doesn’t pull any punches but seems like they’re in an engaging conversation. Captain Holt joins in, and it looks like Amy is foaming on the mouth from how excited she is. Sometimes Sean joins to their crowd on his bar, checking their needs.</p>
<p>Once in a while, their eyes would meet, and Aaron would give him an assuring smile and wave, then Chris’ heart would skip every time. Guess Aaron can handle himself just fine. Aaron is sitting down, which is good, he’s knowing his limits now.</p>
<p>“Okay, stop sending heart eyes across the floor!” Haily sashay into the dance floor, blocking the view.</p>
<p>“Hey, you’re blocking my view!” Chris expressed.</p>
<p>“Bitch, I <em>am</em> the view!” She giggled and takes Chris’ hand to twirl it. Her hand grips his hand and he’s pushed to a twirl by her strength alone.</p>
<p>He had hesitated whether or not he should bring Aaron along to the pub, but he seems to be having fun, and Chris is having fun after a few days in a worried wreck over Aaron.</p>
<p>Chris lets loose after thinking that Aaron is fine. The pub is playing Jack Stauber's upbeat songs, which is an odd choice but Chris tears down anyway. In the middle of the songs, Gina struts back to the dance floor after swirling her fingers on Sean’s chest while batting her eyelash. Rosa and Jake migrate to the dance floor from their pool table and out of nowhere started yelling dance battle. Rosa is dancing. Jake is spazzing on the floor, attempting to breakdance. Keyword: Attempt.</p>
<p>As Jake flings his limbs around, his shoe came off and shoot towards Chris’ head. Chris can feel Jake’s full-body effort as the hit sent stars to his vision and makes him take a shaky step back.</p>
<p>A pair of arms caught him, and as Chris wants to look down to say thanks to Gina who was beside him, Aaron smiled.</p>
<p>“Oh my god!” Chris leans away immediately, “Did I touch your stitches?”</p>
<p>“No, you didn’t.” Aaron wraps his arms around his waist before Chris could stagger a second time. “May I?” Aaron says to Gina, his dance partner for the last minute.</p>
<p>Gina just looks at them with a lemon drop in hand. “Okay, I get it.” She then presses her hand of Aaron’s chest and just walks away.</p>
<p>“I don’t get that one,” Aaron nervously chuckled.</p>
<p>“She gets why I’m hyping you. Means that she’s gonna pursue Sean even more because she sees him as you 2.0, and I’m afraid for him.”</p>
<p>“Sean had dealt with worse,” Aaron takes his hand and they sway to the edge of the dancefloor, further into the crowd. The night is getting later, and people are gathering, creating a wall between them and the world. “He’s the attractive one between us, his teenage years were filled with people hitting on him, some are more stubborn than others.”</p>
<p>“I can imagine that. Your good looks do run in the family, and I beg to differ that he’s the handsome one. I think I got that one in my arms right now.” Chris wraps an arm around him, pressing his body to the side without the stitches.</p>
<p>The pub is playing Hamantha, which is another weird choice of song, but it definitely sets <em>a </em>mood.</p>
<p>“I hope my friends didn’t scar you for life.”</p>
<p>“Your friends are fun.”</p>
<p>“Is that your way of saying annoying?”</p>
<p>“It’s my way of saying that they’re fun. I had a very constructive conversation with Captain Holt and Santiago. They’re definitely fresh eyes.”</p>
<p>Chris sighed in relief. He may not want to admit it, but he was hoping that Aaron likes them. As eccentric as they might be, they’re his family.</p>
<p>“You have a good family,” Aaron adds, and it makes Chris so proud of his folks. “I’m glad that they cherish you.”</p>
<p>“By threatening you,” Chris chuckled.</p>
<p>Aaron looks on, and the intensity of it makes Chris go quiet and his heart screaming louder. They lean in for a kiss, but Aaron lingers longer as he presses his temple against Chris.</p>
<p>“How did I get so lucky?” Aaron says, and Chris had a feeling that the question was not asked to him alone. Even so, it doesn’t stop him from blushing furiously.</p>
<p>“I could say the same thing to myself, sweet cheeks.”</p>
<p>Aaron leans back to look at his eyes, hands on his waist and clenching tighter.</p>
<p>“Before I met you, I’ve given up on having a relationship. When Beth and I didn’t work, I thought it was a sign that with my state of mind and the workload I have, I’m not suited to have another relationship.” With Aaron’s confession, he looked knowingly at Chris.</p>
<p>“Then I happened, huh? Hopelessly relentless and set to fail, but I tried anyway.”</p>
<p>“And I’m glad you did.”</p>
<p>Chris sighed whenever he gets to look at Aaron like this. Calm and relaxed, like the burden was blurred at the moment and Aaron gets to enjoy himself, and enjoy this time with Chris.</p>
<p>“Which begs the question... You don’t seem the type to just go out on a date with someone you barely know. What went into your mind when I asked you on a date the first time?”</p>
<p>“I was thinking, ‘oh, this is new.’ And the more you talk I do feel flattered but again, ‘oh, <em>that’s</em> new.’” They both chuckled. “Then I thought that you’re a great detective, even a greater character and you made me laugh. It felt like I’ve met a new type of person that I’ve never associated before for some reason.”</p>
<p>“I understand, I <em>am</em> a rare anomaly,” Chris flatter himself the compliment, still, Aaron looks at him like he’s the most natural thing he had ever seen and held.</p>
<p>“I’ve always thought that my job and I will be together until death does us part. When you came, I thought, whether this be another chance for me or nothing at all, I have nothing to lose. On our first date, it was the first time someone can make me forget about my job for a few hours and just let me enjoy myself.”</p>
<p>Chris blinks owlishly, not knowing if he should feel ashamed or proud. “Dude, that’s dark, and it seems that I mortified your burdens away or something.” Chris laughed, but Aaron didn’t.</p>
<p>He looks deeply, and his lips pressed, bracing for something and Chris is dying to know. “Even if I have the rest of my life, I don’t think I can ever repay you for all the love you give to me, but I’ll try anyway, because you deserve it all.”</p>
<p>“I-” Chris choked up. “Okay, I love you too, but there’s nothing to repay... Dear cheez-it, where are you leading to Aaron? You’re... You’re not sick are you? I swear if you only have a month to live or some shit like that and you just told me now I-”</p>
<p>“No, nothing like that.” Aaron chuckles, yet still calculating, and hesitating.</p>
<p>“Good, that’s good. So, then what is it?” Chris asked lightly after being relieved.</p>
<p>“I had wanted to say this later, but it feels right. The explosion made me realize that if it’s not now that it could’ve been never.” Aaron paused, and every second it stalled, one of Chris’ brain cells died of suffocation. “Perhaps not now, but someday, do you want to get married?”</p>
<p>His gasp gathered a few short attention. When they see it’s Chris, they go back to their own business. Which is good, because Chris is so close to crying. He’s also close to giving Aaron a barrel hug and lift him up and twirl him around the dance floor. Stupid window really do be ruining his life right now.</p>
<p>Marriage. Aaron. Him. Chris’s grin starts to feel creepy like the joker and his eyes are teary for some fucking reason. Chris frames Aaron’s face, and kiss the living hell out of him. The arms on his waist wrap tighter, pulling him closer while rubbing soothings circles on his back. He can feel Aaron kissing the side of his head then lying his there. It feels like home.</p>
<p>“Of course I do, my sweet pancakes.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Will this series continue from here? I honestly don't know...................................... jk, of course it will. As long as my ass stuck in quarantine, it will continue. I have a rough draft of it. </p>
<p>Stay safe kids.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Whaddayathink??</p>
<p>Open to critics. Comments and Kudos if you like this~</p>
<p> <br/><a href="https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/">find me on tumblr!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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